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Harry Potter:"Do you really think there's going to be a war, Sirius?"
Sirius Black: "It… feels like it did before."
TURN ON THE LIGHT is a Post- Potter roleplay that takes place twenty-five years after the Second Wizarding War.
We welcome canon and original characters in this (currently) sandbox style roleplay.
The resistance had been meeting up on and off in different combinations at different random 'safehouses' for the last few weeks. Not necessarily something Leah looked forward to, then again, you probably weren't supposed to look forward to such things. Still, as much as she didn't enjoy the darkness of the world, or being obligated to attend such meetings despite not liking some of the people because Nathaniel expected of her, a small part of her still looked forward to them because a certain person would be in attendance. Rawiri had begun to show up in the early stages. Damn him. When did that man need to care about other people all of a sudden? And even if he did, why couldn't it be some other group? Because her luck was shit - that's why.
Her social skills as it turned out, were also rubbish and despite the fact that they had shared a space for a few meetings now she was yet to say even two words his way and there had been ample opportunity. She could have made a sarcastic remark in response to something he said, or answered a question about the muggle world but chose instead to remain quiet. There was another time he looked like he was going to approach her in the kitchen of the manor but she walked around and away from him. There were more than a dozen other instances and all of which ended the same way - with no resolution.
On this night, as the attendees of the resistance nestled at an old closed theater in New York, post-meeting he noticed her sneaking away as folks said their (mostly) polite goodbyes. He would find her perched on the roof, converses dangling off the edge as she watched the muggles below. If only they knew what was coming... Perhaps it was better that they didn't.
The sound of the roof door opening had her looking up and her face fell, betraying her heart which leapt, when she saw who it was. "So you found me." Releasing an exhale a light smoke of condensation left her mouth she turned back to look at the street below. "Want a cookie?" There was that biting sarcasm again and one that had been building since their interaction at the Christmas Ball. "I have to stay here until Nat's done with his... whatever he does. He doesn't trust me to apparate back by myself." Truth be told, she didn't trust herself either. Kicking her legs somewhat she glanced over her shoulder looking at him. "What's your excuse?" Raising her brow she noticed how he was eying her newly dyed blonde hair and while she briefly wanted to let him wonder, she felt herself blurting it all out anyways.
"Nat expects that I'll be kicked out of Hogwarts any day now. Being a muggleborn and all... also I don't really do my job but that's neither here nor there... They're talking about cutting out the pay for my security detail which, again, makes sense. I don't make it easy do I?" A weak little smile his way and then she realized she had rambled a lot and explained absolutely nothing. Blame making up for lost time. "Why make it easy for them to find me so for the time being, I am blonde hear me roar." A broad, performative smile lasted all of two seconds before disappearing completely. "I hate it."
It has been quite a difficult life for many nowadays. With the changing world and everyday hearing, someone new was missing or had passed on. It was hard for Rawiri to focus on anything especially work. Rawiri could only think about the safety of his friends, but one person he had on his mind this whole time was Leah.
While they were not talking after the disaster at the Winter ball, all he could think about was her. The growing threat of non-purebloods being taken or worse had scared him for her safety. When he had heard what the starlings were doing, he immediately hoped for the opportunity to join them.
Unspecslty he did not think he would see Leah there. Nathaniel was understanding, but he was surprised. It was just going to make these meetings much harder to be at.
Few meetings had come and gone. Once in a while, Rawiri would glance back at Leah, admiring from afar, but he would dare approach her like he would have done in the past. While Rawiri had the desire every time he saw her, he knew it was probably best to avoid her for now.
As the meetings came and went, more of his desire to talk to her burned. It was to the point where he wasn't going to hold back this time.
His eyes lingered on her from afar as he talked and joked with members of the group. Rawiri watched as she slowly sank back and left the room. "Excuse me." Rawiri had said to the person he was talking to. Rawiri saw this as his chance to speak with her. Rawiri quickly walked out of the room and followed her to the rooftop she was on.
He stood at the door for a moment and took a deep breath. He slowed and pushed the door open. Of course, the door squeaked loudly, making his presence known.
'So you found me.' Rawiri's heart skipped a beat. It was the first time she had talked to him in person, something he thought would never happen. Rawiri placed his hands in his pockets and approached her side. He had difficulty making eye contact with her due to feeling out of place with her.
Rawiri gently smiled at her. She was still the Same old Leah Silvias. Sarcastic as ever. Rawiri shrugged his shoulders when she asked him what his excuse. I have none." He looked over the building knowing well she was his excuse.
Rawiri awkwardly looked forward as she told him that she might be removed from Hogwarts any day now. "Nat has a good eye for knowing when danger is nearby, and it is probably best for you with all the crazy things happening." He looked over her for the first time thoroughly. The blond was a very new look for her, he thought.
"Easy? You never add to the fun, I say." He lightly joked with her. It was nice to joke with her once more. "I mean, I do miss the red, but the blond isn't so bad." Rawiri tried to bring up her mood.
Rawiri looked towards the sky again when she admitted she hated her new hair. There was something about her being distraught that he hated. "I'm..sorry." He paused to look at her. "About the hair. I know it must be hard." He then ran his fingers through his hair awkwardly.
There was something about the way he looked at her when his gaze first landed on hers, and hers his. She felt her heart do a little jump (one that she both loved and hated). Did he look excited to see her... maybe? Hopefully? No. A trick that the night sky and her own stupid hopefulness were playing on her. Surely.
She felt his presence very close to her, at her side now, and she turned away to look down at the street and unaware citizens below. This avoidance worked out as it seemed that her fellow Quidditch player was also having some issues in the eye contact area... among other things. "Maybe." She said, taking a moment to think over her next few chosen words before releasing them out into the wild. A rare thing for her. "He does his best I know but damn does this not help me find a whole new low level of uselessness." Had she ever wanted to be a Quidditch assistant? Hell no. But not being able to play had been a fate worse than death the temporary position was at least a lifeline. Now she didn't even have that.
His little joke and compliment brought her gaze from below to him and her chocolate-brown eyes lingered a bit longer than they should have. The faintest hint of a smile. He had a knack for that. Leah was envious at Rawiri's ability to be, or seem, so unaffected by the drama of everything going on around them. Like he had some switch that he could just turn off and be oblivious. Sure, a part of her was jealous but another part of her was intrigued... And man, was she pissed about that. She wanted an off switch as well. One that when flicked wouldn't allow her mind to wander and think about him, wonder how he was doing. She shouldn't care. It was absolutely none of her business. It was probably several other's businesses. Half a dozen women, a handful of men, that date he had brought to the Christmas Ball... There she was feeling the surge of bitterness again that, both out of exhaustion and recognition she pushed back down. It now felt silly to fret over it. Pointless... Like everything else lately.
"It's ok. You can say it's bad." She sighed heavily, biting her bottom lip as she looked down again. "It's all bad nowadays I guess." If that wasn't the understatement of the millennia. At his apology, her gaze snapped back on him a little too quickly only to find her rare optimism dashed when he added it was about the hair and not about, well, everything else. "Oh." She swallowed, shifting a bit where she sat uncomfortably. "I mean... You didn't do it." Strangely trying to find a way to lighten the mood she looked back at him with a weak smile. "That was some lady named Wanda. I don't like her much either." Perhaps he needed cheering up now. For some odd reason, she decided she would try and be that.
Clearing her throat she looked to the banister and then back to the man beside her. "Do you, uh... Maybe want to sit?" Her eyes pointed to the spot beside her, scooching her butt carefully a bit to make room. "You can sit all the way over there." She patted the stone beside her. "Leave this open. Safety spot. Might as well be miles away." Gosh, she hoped he would say yes. Even if they were still fighting, pretending to fight, whatever it was... She just didn't want to be all alone right now. And she wanted to not be alone with him.
Looking down at her lap sadly whether he sat or not her brow furrowed, upset but holding it in and maintaining relatively well. "They took Sally... She never did anything to anybody except be Sally and they took her... Who does that?"
There was no understanding of why this seemed so difficult to him. He could have just apologized for his actions at the ball and been done with this silly awkwardness between the two, but Rawiri was quite a stubborn man when apologizing.
Rawiri knew that Leah was not useless, and he hated that she felt that way. He knew Nat was doing what was in the best interest of Leah, but to make her feel that way boiled Rawrir's blood Rawiri knew that Nat wasn't doing this to hurt Leah but to protect her, especially after the incident, and now this.
"I wouldn't say your useless. Just Nat being overprotective of the ones he cares for. I know he can't lose you right now." He awkwardly tucked his hands in his pocket, looking down and watching the people walk by. He wondered if any of the people passing by felt as awkward as he did standing by someone they cared about but were foolish not to take the next step. Rawiri shook his mind from it turning his head to see her taking a look at him.
Rawiri's cheeks turned light pink, and a soft smile came to his face. How did Leah Silivas have this power over him? No one had done this before, but for some reason, Leah had made confident, egoistic Rawiri fumble like a young schoolboy.
Rawiri turned his body to the back of the skyline. He then leaned on the barrier that protected him from falling over. Maybe she was surprised by his comment, and he almost set it up as a genuine apology.
"No, no, it's a new look, that's all." Rawiri smiled, turning his head back to setting his eyes on her and crossing his arms. "Maybe ask Wanda for a purple or a pink next. That will def keep you under the radar, and I'm sure she'll love it." Rawiri winked as he joked to lighten the mood a bit more.
A surprised face appeared on Rawrir's as she asked him to join her by her side. He looked down, clearing his throat now—quite the awkward pair of these two. "Um... sure." He stood up and took his place next to her, brushing her shoulder as he sat down. "Sorry, I didn't mean to brush. Ya, there," he said, not making eye contact even though the feeling of brushing her made him feel more connected to her again.
"Oh, I didn't know that." Rawiri looked forward, placing one hand on his knee. He knew how close the two were, and he was sure that Leah was hurting more now than ever. "I would say some horrible people." The thought of how many people had gone missing terrified Rawiri, especially when he knew Leah was in considerable danger for being a muggle-born. "I am sure the others will find her- especially Nat. Maybe that's why he has you looked up tight, so you won't burn everything in sight to get Sally back." He thought a little joke would lighten the mood. This was a heavy subject, and he did not want to make her feel like her friend was gone. All they could do was hope.
Nathaniel couldn't lose her? The thought was too intimate and vulnerable that it actually made her uncomfortable. "Maybe it would be easier if he did." Casting a sideways glance at her fellow Quidditch player she gave him a weak smile given the severity of what they were discussing. "One last thing to worry about, right?" A part of her didn't mean it, not really. Another part of her did.
The look on his face had her doing the unthinkable and backtracking though. "Sorry." She glanced down at her lap now blushing herself (hopefully she could blame it on the cool air). What is this? Leah Silvias didn't apologize. Not to anyone, no matter how fleeting and certainly not to Rawiri Tibble. "I shouldn't say things like that." She admitted quietly, running her scared gloveless hands over her lap. She normally wore those things every day... Not tonight. Not recently. What was the point in hiding them? All of the Starlings already knew she had them from years of Quidditch play and a attack her first year - might as well own it.
"I was thinking blue actually but purple... Purple could be good." At his little joke she couldn't help but smile a bit (damn him) and she tucked a few strands of unruly blonde hair behind her ear which the wind promptly blew out of place. "I am many things and one of those things is subtle." So untrue it hurt. Much to her surprise, and happiness, he decided to sit beside her, clumsily bumping into her which made her face burn at the contact... but it wasn't unpleasant. Just embarrassing. Had she gotten in the way? Had he done it on purpose? Her mind reeled and it took everything she had to bring it back. "It's ok. Happens..." Breathe, Silvias. Just breathe.
Though Rawiri had tried his hand at another joke and she did her best to smile, her bottom lip quivered and instead of a laugh came out a choked, sickly sob as she began to cry. Surprising herself by the emotion she quickly brought her arm to cover her mouth in an attempt to silence it. "Sorry." Wincing as tears slid down her cheeks she felt so much shame that she couldn't even look at the man beside her. "Sorry." She repeated again, doing her best to make herself breathe and hopefully stop. Though her sounds were now quiet, tears were still falling. "I'm fine." Except she wasn't. Not one bit.
"Don't talk like that." Rawiri snapped and then pressed his lips together at the thought. The thought of losing Leah...well, he never thought he would feel. Living without her snarkiness or drive, her calling him names was unbearable for good old-fashioned selfish Rawiri. He also hated that she thought that about herself. She was a catch even if she didn't think it, and she was more important to people than she knew, even to him.
Adjusting himself, he turned more towards her, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "It's ok, your upset." Rawir watched as her hands which she had now let bare for the world to see. Well, the two were growing, after all. "I agree..am actually agreeing with Leah Silvias" He chuckled at his comment. Something the old Rawiri would have never done.
Emotions seemed high on both ends, but even then, they could crack a joke. "Oh, blue like cinderella blue or dark ocean blue?" He kept the joke going after he didn't like seeing sad Leah. "Purple is a very nice.. regal color..suites you, I think." He nudged her in the arm, hoping to see her smile again.
Rawiri shook his head, glad she wasn't upset with him brushing her. Even though brushing against her was magical for him. Not that this was the best time to think that, and she was upset, and he needed to consider how to help her.
While the moment seemed to be saved by his jokes, Leah started to cry, and something boiled in him he had never thought of before. Rawiri grabbed her arm, grasping her hand for comfort. "Leah, you can cry." He grabbed her other shoulder to turn her to him. "Don't ever apologize for that." He brushed her beautiful blonde hair back. "You are far from fine, Leah. The world is in chaos. Your closest friend has been taken, and guess what? You have every right not to be fine. I'm just saying it's ok to let it out." He let go of her placing his hands on his lap. "Scream on the rooftops, hell, I'll scream with you!" He threw his hands in the air. He looked over at her. "or cry and let it out. There is nothing to be embarrassed about." He laid his hand on her scared hand, grasping it tightly.
"In the end, I'll be there for you, like it or not." A soft, gentle smile on his face. "And if any of those nutcases tried to take you, I would move heaven and earth to ensure that never happened. Not again, not while I am here." He inched closer to her taking her hand and placing it on his chest, crossing it with his finger. "Thats a Tibble promise."
The sudden snappiness of Rawiri's correction about her own dark musing had the Keeper pausing. Not because she was offended by how he had essentially raised his voice at her (years of Quidditch starting at a young age had obviously toughened her up a great deal) but more so in surprise that she had somehow managed to touch a nerve with the remarks. Was he upset at the idea of her getting hurt or disappearing? This was a new development. Or maybe it had always been there and somehow they both hadn't noticed it.
Usually she would tell anyone who was telling her what to do to shove it (in less than flowery terms) but now, with Rawiri, her response came out far less convincing. "I... I'm sorry." Sorry? When had she ever apologized to anyone let alone Rawiri Tibble?! But here she was doing just that. "I just... I dunno... I'm sorry." Two apologies in one day? Something was certainly in the roof air this evening. More than a little something. It both made her feel light and yet stifled her. She didn't know what to make of it. It did make her just as scared as dying did. Interesting, that...
She felt so lost. So pathetic and so dang lost as she choked on tears that she hadn't allowed herself to feel for so long. She couldn't remember the last time she had wept. It had been a long time. Like a distant memory. The feeling of her muscles tensing and tear ducts activating felt foreign, like a splinter, and one that her body needed to push out. There was no stopping it. It was almost as surprising as the feel of Rawiri's tan, firm, protective hand against her arm. The very contact made her gasp in surprise but luckily it could be masked as her own sobs.
"I can?" She could cry? Had she heard him right through her clogged up ears? But everyone was always telling her not to cry. Ever since she first arrived on the Quidditch circuit. Crying meant you were weak and you absolutely could not be weak or you would get eaten up by other teams, the public, it was too risky... But here was Rawiri, her coach, her former classmate, her former rival encouraging her, comforting her, telling her that it was safe to be whoever she wanted to be around him. It was as much touching as it was startling.
Her eyes welled up with tears and her face burned as she felt his fingertips lightly caress her cheek on accident when he moved some hair away from her gaze. She actually choked out a tiny laugh as he threw his arms in the air pretending to scream, finding she missed him touching her, only to have the contact replaced as he grasped her hand which caused her brown eyes to gaze into his. Squeezing it, pushing it against his chest. Like he needed it as much as she did. Wait... was he trembling or was that her?
"I'm no damsel, Tibble." She tried to tease but the tears kept coming even in spite of her weak little smile. "But I appreciate it." Oh, god. "You promise?" She could feel his heartbeat. There was something about the way he held her hand, the feel of his firm chest, the intimacy of the beating of his heart, and how he looked at her. She was a goner. And all at once she was at a loss for words and yet a select few escaped her breathlessly. "I've missed you." And as surprising as it was, it was true. The movie outing, the banter, the late night talks, staying on the pitch long after everyone had went home and talking about life, meeting his mother, the jealousy, the bar fights, the victories, the losses, one accidental celebratory peck post game, more jealousy, the laughter, how he kept her on her toes... all of it. And, not even clocking what had possessed her, she leaned forward bit by bit, stopping herself a mere centimeter from his lips. Her breath hitched. I shouldn't. We can't. What am I doing? This is so stupid. He's - aw fuck it. And closing the distance she pressed her lips against his in a soft, long, very overdue kiss.
It wasn't like he wanted to be snappy with her, and Rawiri did not want to seem like it came off as rapacious. It was the fact that he, Rawirir Tibble, adored her more than he wished to admit, and Rawiri had just hoped that she would have seen that for herself.
Nodding his head, "That's ok..." He paused, rubbing his hand over his face and dropping his hand to his lap. "Hey... two apologies. I think this is a new step for us." A gentle smile came to his face. It wasn't like Leah to apologize, especially to him. Usually, the two would start to go at it, or she had some witty remark. It seemed like there was not one for the day. Things had changed...and not for the worse.
The pain of seeing her this way was agonizing. Rawiri wanted to help her, but he knew in order to help, Leah needed to let it out. There had been nothing wrong with crying, something his father had taught him. "Of course it is ok!" A placed his hand behind her back. "So much is happening, and you are entitled to your tears. A once great man told me 'to let the tears fall from one's face was the road to healing.'" The great man being his own father.
"Never be ashamed to let it out. You are stronger for letting it out than keeping it in." Rawiri had always found it odd that people had told others they were weak for realizing pain.
A soft chuckle came from his lips. "Oh, trust me, I know." Leah Silvias was far from a damsel. When she had asked him if he had promised, he took his finger to his cheat. "Cross my heart" A soft teasing honest smile came to his face. Rawiri wanted her to know that she had someone to have her back.
He was sure she would laugh at him after his little speech, but instead, he was surprised he got a missed you. It was nice to hear that she had missed him; he had also missed her. From Frenemyto friends to something even more? Who knew, but Rawiri knew he had wanted her by his side no matter what. Every word he had said to her was true.
What was going on? Was she leaning in closer to him? No, his mind was playing tricks on him. It had to be no way Leah Silvias leaning in for a - Kiss? Oh, what a surprise. He felt her soft lips touch him, and as she did, he closed his eyes.
He placed his free hand on her cheek as he kissed her back. As much as he wanted to lean in, he felt she wasn't in the right mind. She was upset, and it felt like he had taken advantage of her vulnerable moment.
Rawiri pulled away, looking at her green Doe–eyes. He gently caresses her soft cheek. She looked so lovely. Rawiri smiled at her. "Well...that was quite..lovely." It was a truly perfect kiss. His hand left her checks, and he gently placed her hands in his placing them on his lap. "Are you sure about this?" He asked only about her well-being, and he wasn't sure if she was overwhelmed by the moment.
Even as they kissed she felt the remaining tears that had been growing in her eyes moments earlier free themselves and slide down her cheeks. It felt good to cry, like your body stretching and realigning after lying down in a weird position for far too long. As draining as it was, it also felt good to let go. She was no longer sad of course, or maybe she was but it was pushed aside, all to kiss the man before her. Her old classmate, her coach, her enemy, her friend, her... whatever he was. But for this brief moment... He was everything and more.
Her own fair hand moved to his cheek, her head tilting as their lips continued to meet. It wasn't sensual, or sexual, but it was romantic. Like finally getting water after a week in the desert. Like finally breathing after holding your breath for five minutes. All of the will they won't they questions and jokes. They were. They were whatever this was. In this moment a step in the right direction. And most importantly, he was kissing back.
It was because of this that she sighed, daring to open her mouth ever so slightly to deepen the kiss. She felt his mouth do the same and then she clocked something... He was kissing back but he was still rigid. She was the one leaning. It was due to this realization, as well as the precarious sitting position on the roof barricade that she gasped sharply and pulled back breaking the connection. Was she sure about it? No. She was never sure about anything that wasn't Quidditch.
"I'm sorry." Leah Silvias didn't apologize. Not ever. But here she was doing just that. "I don't know why I did that." Except she did. She had wanted to and had been resisting it for a while. "I shouldn't have done that. I... Fuck. Nevermind. Shit. Sorry. Fuck!" Running on pure instinct and self-preservation she moved to stand up, sliding off the wall and back to the roof floor. "I'll just-" She turned to walk away only to find her hands still in his. Her cheeks warmed up matching the old color of her hair.
"It won't happen again." Reaching out with her right finger and a forced half smile, she traced his heart in a similar crossing motion like he had done before. "Cross your heart." But she didn't pull away. Her finger remained, then it was her whole hand. She could feel his heartbeat. Eyes wandered over his chest to where his heart was, watching how it rose and fell with every breath, she then looked up at him with the saddest expression she had ever sported: one of helplessness and defeat. "We can't..." She croaked beyond her better judgment. "We work together... we don't even get along... not ever... not really... We would tear each other apart. We would hurt each other." God, this was destroying her. "And if we didn't they would." Fans, bad guys, reporters... take your pick. "I can't get anyone else killed." Especially not Rawiri. "I can't... We... can't."
Last Edit: Feb 26, 2023 4:41:03 GMT by LEAH SILVIAS
Oh, how the world stopped for Rawiri Tibble as he felt her touch as they kissed. It had felt like it was only the two of them in the world at this moment. As much as he wanted it to last, he knew it could not, not now. Not with her being upset..it just didn't feel like the right time, and he didn't feel like he should take advantage of her vulnerability.
Everything at the moment had seemed too good to be true, and it was just that. Rawiri did not mean to upset her more than she already was. "No, don't apologize. It was my fault." He protested. There was nothing to be sorry about. Rawiri should have stopped her, and now he had only made things worse. Now he was the reason she was more upset.
As she got up, he didn't let her hand go. Rawiri did not want to let go. For once in his life, he wanted someone to stay in his life. And that someone was Leah Silvias. He had deeply bonded with her ever since reappearing in his life. Even though it had been rocky from the start. But for once in his life, he had someone to challenge him, someone who didn't care who he was, and the thought of losing her pained him deeply.
"Why not?" Rawir said softly to her. Why couldn't they work? Maybe Rawiri was more of the hopeful type between the two. Rawiri stood close to her holding her hand close to his chest. "Listen, for one, you wouldn't fuck up anything. Two, we don't have to rush this. We can take our time and test-run it. Three, oh, forget those buggers. I could care less." He waved his free hand. Rawirir would make sure to find a way to make it work.
He paused when she talked about getting him killed. "I mean, I almost get killed daily for, you know, being me." Rawiri smiled at her and then placed his free hand under her chin. "If we live in fear, we could miss out on the greatest possibility. I would rather die than live a moment not knowing what could have been. Seems like a fate worse than death to me."
His fault? Now, a lot of things were Rawiri's fault but the kiss? No. She had initiated it. Of that much she was sure and also surprised by. She couldn't kiss this man, her coach, she despised him. They fought. They bickered. They teased. They... liked each other. A lot. And there was no telling for how long.
"You know why..." They both did. Whether or not they wanted to deal with those whys was up for debate but it wasn't like they could pretend that they didn't exist. Though their lips had long separated she could still feel them tingle from where his lips had pressed to hers. The unmistakable tingling that could only be tended to with yet another kiss but one that she could not allow herself to have.
"I fuck up everything. You know that." Her eyes moved from his chest (gosh she could still feel his heartbeat which made the moment even more real to her) and landed on his gaze. "Don't you?" Hopeful. He was always so damn hopeful. He lived amongst the stars and her feet were firmly planted on Earth. She would make him see the reason, the logic, even if she too desperately didn't want to believe it. "This is different, Tibble. This is so fucking different." Why couldn't he get it. Shit. He was still holding her wrist. Despite what she actually wanted she finally pulled away, crossing her arms over her chest her fingers dragging over the upper arms of her jean jacket.
"What? Did you get that from some fortune cookie or off of a Snapple cap?" At his little quote, deep as it was, and so unlike him she sighed unable to avoid the little joke at his expense. Old habits were hard to break after all. Needing to tear her gaze away out of fear of crumbling on the spot she looked to where her hand rested on his chest. She found that she liked it there. She liked touching him. So innocent and yet so intimate. On the roof like they were, it felt like they were on another plane. Just the two of them against the world. And in some ways, hadn't it always been like that? Against the world and against each other.
"And what possibility is that?" Her fingers idly moved, dancing extremely close to his own as if to entwine but instead their fingertips just grazed before she pulled away. "No." She did her best to push the notion away even though she was now just as guilty of opening the door.
"Doesn't matter. We can't either way so why are we talking about this?" Shaking her head she turned from him, beginning to walk toward the door still rambling as she went more so trying to convince herself rather than the object of her affections. "Even without everything that's going on, I'm me and you're well, you... It's stupid to even think... No. No." Suddenly she turned around, eyes wide, exasperated. "Do you like me Tibble?" She blurted out the words before she could even second guess them. "Well... Do you?" How did they get here?!
"Of course, I know, but does that mean we could not try?" It felt like a desperate plea and the idea of never knowing what they could be killed him inside. Though he feared a relationship since nothing had ever stuck well, he never took anything seriously as well. But with her...there was just something about Leah Silvias.
Rawiri could pinpoint why? The man could say her whit, the way she stretched her nose when she got excited, her passion for the things she loved. Rawiri could go on and on about what he loved about her, describing from the most notable to the minor details.
Grabbing the side of her arm, he looked at her. "You don't fuck up everything. Everyone makes mistakes. Your human, Leah, and it's ok." He hated how hard she was on herself if she could only see her through his eyes.
"Different? Why?" Confusedly he asked her. " Just because it's different doesn't mean it a bad or could be bad." He felt her release from him, making his heart sink. Why fight this feeling that both clearly had for each other?
She looked gorgeous in the moonlight despite her being so stubborn, arms crossed, and fighting him.
"Ah nah, I actually write for those Snapple caps. I need a second job in this economy." A slight joke to ease the rooftop tension between the two. Felling her hand on his chest made him feel at home. The noise from the city had drained out; all he could feel was alone with her. His face inched closers to hers once more, and his desire to kiss her once more was more vital than ever.
While the moment had turned short when she let go once more before he could answer her. "No...." This dance was slowly killing him, and Rawiri felt like he was losing this battle with her.
"Because deep down, it does matter. Why would we be here if it didn't matter? " His hands clasped together, not knowing what to do. He let out a sigh as she walked away, going towards the door. Was this it? Would they never be more than this night?
His eyes lit up when she turned back to talk to him. "No, it's not Stupid, please..." He paused, waiting for her following words.
'Do you like me?' Frozen in his spot when she asked him. With that, he let go of his hands and returned to her. "I like you and more, Leah Silvias." His hand crested the side of her soft cheek. "I think anyone who takes you is one lucky person. I know that for a fact. You changed me for the better." His smile was soft as he spoke to her. "I just feel that life without you would be an empty void with no light." His hand now rested on her cheek. "It's your choice, Leah, but I believe we could make it work. I've never had someone make me feel this way in my life and..." He paused. "I don't want to lose this....lose you." He was now all hers if she would take him.
"If you know then that means you know exactly why not." Try? Gosh how she wanted to believe that was true. But how could they try? The deck and the world was stacked against them. Good things didn't happen to or for Leah Silvias. In Quidditch sure? She could save all the goals, pose (begrudgingly) in all of the magazines, rake in the dough (most of which she didn't spend), thrill audiences, and heck, even pull off a precedented score of her own every few years as a keeper but to love and be loved? There was no way. Love was meant for other girls. Not for her. People wanted her for Quidditch, maybe a roll in the hay so that they could brag to their friends about sleeping with someone famous, but they never cherished her nor did they romanticize her. And, in turn, she could not do the same for herself.
"Except that yes, I do-" She went on to debate (or was it argue with the two of them?) but her words cut short sharply at the feel of his hand on her arm, how he gripped her, how he looked at her. Desperate. There was something about the way that he was looking at her now. Like he was pleading with her to just say that she agreed. Heck, not even that she agreed, just to give him a breadcrumb of hope in the form of 'we'll see' would probably have done wonders. But she couldn't. For all of the reasons previously listed she just couldn't allow herself to trust someone, to give herself over to them full-heartedly no matter how badly she wanted to... for him.
"It's different and it'll be bad, oh it'll be so bad, because you are you and, even more importantly, I am me." She explained with a strained voice and an equally strained look in her eyes. She didn't just need to make her coach believe it, but herself as well. "Because you're obnoxiously charming, and good-looking, and you're pretty much everyone's favorite coach in the league despite being fucking underqualified-" Maybe she should quit while she was behind. As usual, her mouth was getting the best of her. "And that's even including Abbot who I think is yet to show up to a Harpies game without his shoes untied and his zipper down. And you have the accent and, uh, no one is trying to kill you last time I checked!" Her last words almost echoed on the roof and she froze. There was more of that darkness again. Despite the fact that it was true she honestly wished she hadn't said it if only for how he looked at her when she said it.
"I mean... It's... true..." Yeah. Perhaps now wasn't the time to double down even if awkwardly. With a heavy, laborious inhale she felt small droplets hit her hands and the top of her head. Small damp spots began to form on her jean jacket. She looked up at the sky. Shit. Rain. Moonlight and rain. Great combination. Not. After a long few moments, she looked back down finding her hand lightly clasping at his chest still. Eyes widening some she felt her breath briefly leave her. His face was close and once again, his eyes drew her in, even after all of the vile bile that she had spilled he still stood there. Stubborn as always. Stubborn just like her. Both still standing there despite the rain, the night, the risk, the words, the odds against them. They never knew when to quit. If they quit it wasn't them.
"No? What do you mean no?" She finally released him listening to his explanation actually not interjecting or correcting him immediately (for once). But then the problems and risks seemed to stack up in her mind and she was on the move again. Toward the door. Scarred hand reaching for the handle then frozen in time when Rawiri kept going. Why did he always keep going? Also... when the heck did he say please?
He was in front of her again, confessing, more than she ever felt comfortable enough to do. This was as honest as she had ever seen him. Ok, he was always honest, but this was honest about emotions and was a whole different look for the man (and them both) entirely. It was both beautiful and scary to watch. "And... more?" Her brow threatened to furrow in concerned curiosity but she managed to pull it in. "What do you mean by that?" The question left her lips carefully and quietly. She had changed him? He was smiling as he said such kind things about her. Where was the roast and taunts of their youth? The jabs? The bossing her around in the locker room. Nowhere to be found. There was just Rawiri Tibble. Not a coach but a remarkable, complicated, goof of a man. And one she lo-
The hand on her cheek had her remembering to breathe again and she closed her eyes for the briefest of moments turning into it. Even as her hair began to dampen she could enjoy the warmth and roughness of his hand. No one touched her unless it was a hard hit on the pitch or a hug or high-five celebrating a win. This was different. They weren't celebrating anything (or were they?) they were just together. The two of them on this roof. "I don't want to lose this either." She found herself confessing softly, practically into his hand, before her eyes abruptly opened catching her own error. "Tibble, we don't even know what this is." She put on a brave face and a sarcastic tone as if trying to pull it all back and pretend she hadn't went along with him even for just a second. Her lips parted for yet another argument.
