Left Alone [TAG: Lincoln]

[BEATRIX KIDDO]

She might not be magical like the Watts family but the day her father passed away it was as if she had possessed a time turner that someone had went and broke. It was like time stood still as she sat at his bedside and he took his last breath, slipping away while she held his hand. And just like that, with one simple exhale, Beatrix was all alone in the world. No family left. The only Kiddo in a very small line of Kiddos.

Getting on the plane, the whole trip back, the few days back into a week back, had all been the same. She woke up, laid in bed for far too long, got up to get a small bite or a drink, then went back to bed. Alejandro was kind human enough to give her two weeks off without pay which only added to her stress, but it wasn't something she wanted to worry about in addition to funeral expenses and just... everything. She even avoided Lincoln's calls. He had even tried sending an owl her way because he knew normally she would be so thrilled by it but she didn't even open her window.

When he knocked on her door she didn't answer. She just sat curled up in the couch, wrapped up in an old quilt her mom had made, watching old movies on AMC. He, of course, found his way inside, magic could do what old fashioned persistence could not and who he found was a messy-haired, no make up wearing, red-eyed Beatrix Kiddo in pajamas that she had probably worn for more than 24 hours. Lacking any of the hope and positivity that was practically her signature. Utterly empty. Maybe she would be like that forever.

"I'm fine." She murmured with her chin resting on the tops of her knees. A lie. A big and bad one. "You don't need to worry about me." Another one. Not that he was worrying about her anyways. "You can go home now..." She didn't even look at him out of fear that she would crumble, sob, and ramble about how lost she was, how sad, how badly she needed someone (him) right now.

[Deleted]

The day Lincoln heard of Frank’s passing, he sat in the rain for hours. The old wooden park bench, inundated with rainwater to the point of softening served as his backdrop. Everyone had absconded since the rain had kicked up around noon, save for the odd dog walker and forever jogger. Link might as well have been a ghost though. The sound of the rain itself resembled a muted static as his mind cycled through memories like slides in a slide show. Bea’s dad was.. for all intents and purposes, his own. And he had in no way adequately prepared himself for this. And if he had not prepared himself for this, then he would bet his life that Bea was completely and utterly blindsided by his passing.

It was at that moment, coming to that particular realization that he realized sitting on a rotting, soaked bench wasn’t going to help him grieve. And it sure as hell wasn’t going to help Bea. So what was he doing? He stood suddenly, his legs wobbly from hours of disuse. He briskly made his way back to his apartment, to give Bea a call. But to his dismay, she didn’t pick up. And she wouldn’t for some time. He tried again and again - even sending Deeka at one point to deliver a message. No dice.

Initially, he believed he had reached an impasse. Perhaps she would recover on her own. She was grieving in her own way, on her own time, and didn’t need Link to be a part of that process. She wasn’t in a good way financially either. Funerals were expensive. Rent would pile up. Would Alejandro even give her PTO? Asshole. These thoughts wounded him. After a week or so of trying, he imagined her sitting alone, in her apartment. Emotionally damaged, the overwhelming prospect of loneliness reverberating off the walls of her silent home. Oh absolutely fucking not. Within minutes he had his Onitsuka Tigers on, kissed Marbles goodbye, and was out the door. She would have to forgive him if this wasn’t what she wanted. This risk, he was willing to take.

He knocked on her front door. He could faintly hear the television through the front door. After not answering, apparated in himself. She looked.. bad. Not in the sense that wasn’t beautiful, or completely enrapturing. Rather she looked absolutely crushed. Her indomitable spirit had finally been thwarted by a foe. Link said nothing at first when she spoke. The words spun past him like a spring zephyr. Meaningless. He would stay focused. He stared at her for a moment. Taking in the rest of her features. He had never seen her this upset before. He walked to her slowly, carefully, as if he were walking through a minefield, and plopped down on the couch next to her. “You don’t have to say anything. But I’ll listen to everything. And I’ll always be here. Always Bea.” His head stiffened, the movie she was watching was now a commercial for the hottest newest toothbrush. Without looking at her, he offered his hand. To hold, to squeeze, to break, it didn’t matter. He wanted to ensure she had all the tools necessary to get through losing Frank in one piece.

[BEATRIX KIDDO]

"You know, it's not very polite to poof into someone else's apartment. It's not very fair..." Her chin rested atop her knees and she practically spoke into her upper thighs rather than to the man who had just apparated inside of her apartment. "Even if normally I would think it was really neat." She admitted in a murmur, sad eyes still avoiding him. The lights of her tiny living roo weren't even on, the eerie glow of the television set and the black and white old-timey picture providing the only luminance in the lace.

"What is there to say? He was here a week ago and now he's not." He sat down on the couch beside her, his normal place, and her eyes resisted the strong urge to wander over to him. No. She was sad. Depressed. She deserved to be this way and didn't deserve comfort. What comfort did her dad have when an illness took him practically overnight? The thought pushed her even more into despair and she realized that she had forgotten to take a breath, forcing herself to shakily do so. "... And now I don't have a dad anymore." God, saying that aloud crushed her very soul. Any bit of sunshine that she had been clinging to, deep within her core being, was put out and there was only darkness and rain. But... there was always the moon wasn't there? Dependable, provided light sometimes in a roundabout way, provided guidance to some, a gravity and a pull to others, and currently, her moon was offering his hand. She could feel it on the cushion beside her, waiting, just waiting for her to be ready. And slowly her hand found its way to his, fingers entwining and that was all it took.

Pressing down on her bottom lip she all too easily gave in, turning to look at him with tears welling in her eyes. A great flood about to fall. "I miss my dad, Linky..." Came her hushed confession that she couldn't stop from coming, face contorting in utter agony and desperation before practically throwing herself on him in a hug. A tight one. Not letting go for dear life in fear that he too would go away. "I want him back." Her tears wet the fabric of his shirt at his shoulder and against the flesh of his neck as she sobbed, small frame trembling in his hold. Turning her head, resting her cheek on his shoulder tear stained cheeks and helpless eyes looked up at him. "Why did this have to happen?" She knew he wouldn't know why. No one did. But she had such faith in the man before her that if anyone knew... it would be him. But of course he wouldn't. That wasn't a fair question and she knew it. What was fair was to show her appreciation, even as the mess she was now.

"Thank you for poofing into my apartment." She thanked him weakly, reaching her right hand to cup the back of his scalp and hug him close again. "Do you... want something to eat?" She couldn't help but parrot her usual question to him, or anyone, even in the state that she was, even still holding into him buried in his hold. An odd question to ask for sure not just because of the situation but because she had barely eaten anything herself the last few days and here she was worrying and fussing over him.

[Deleted]

Bea actually had a good point. It wasn’t polite to ‘poof’ into someone’s apartment unannounced. Or legal, for that matter. But there were extenuating circumstances that Link felt warranted the intrusion. His body felt heavy - similar to lying on a bed after a long day at work. Before he came, he was drifting in a miasma of misery. And now seeing she was actively avoiding him, it was clear she was too. “I’m sorry Bea. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Death and life were supposed to be dichomatic experiences for human beings. They were, or they were not. Binary states of being that one was, or was not. But for the people in their orbit that they affected, it was never so straightforward. Link was around death more than he cared to admit. Life as an auror led him to see things he wished he otherwise hadn’t. It was a primary catalyst for seeing Dr. Stanton every Monday. Among other things. But Link had never lost someone so close to him in his entire life. It had never come this close to home. What could he say? He wanted to tell her that, Frank would always be her dad, regardless of what plane he now existed on. That he lived on through her every day, when she laughed and loved. But those platitudes wouldn’t make the suffering go away. Only time. Bea saying she missed her dad had that pesky miasma pulling at his fragile mind. Be strong. Be fucking strong for her. His breath was getting shaky, and he was getting emotional himself. He felt powerless. He often told her magic never really helped when it had mattered. This was when it had mattered. And in his mind, was useless.

Link caught her in her hug. She was strong in the moment. Physically. The hug felt primal - a release of pent-up emotion. He held her there. “I don’t know why it had to happen Bea..I-just don’t know.” Her eyes, her expression, it all killed him. He hoped he hadn’t born any more than a dejected look. But judging by his now twitching eye, it was evident to him then that he didn’t look dejected - he looked devastated. “But what I do know, is that you can call me any time. Show up to my apartment any time.” His voice wobbled, requiring a moment of regathering composure. “You don’t have to handle this alone.”

He returned her second embrace, wiping his eyes behind her head as he did so. “Bea- no taking care of me today. In fact..” He scanned her, his eyes tracing her form vertically, looking downwards from what he could see in the hug. “Have you been eating?” His concern now bifurcated into concern for her emotional state and her physical state. “And have you been sleeping okay? Do you need help with laundry?”

[BEATRIX KIDDO]

Even with how tightly he clung to her, trying so badly to be her grounding during a stormy time, she could feel his heartbeat. She could hear how his words occasionally got caught in his throat as he practically coughed them out. How hands trying so determinedly to wear a mask of steadfastness and reassurance were, in reality, just as unsure, scared, and upset as she was. As much as she had lost a father, Lincoln had also lost his closest thing to an actual one - even if he had one that was still breathing the man was absolute shit at his job. Where Lincoln's dad had failed consistently, Frank had excelled. He was larger than life in a lot of ways. The epitome of love, strength, and loyalty... And now he was gone. No matter what Lincoln said, no matter what half baked religious sentiment he begrudgingly shared, wouldn't change that. Frank was gone. Forever.

Couldn't he cast a spell and make it all go away? Make him come back? Travel through time? No, that's right Back to the Future rules across the board. He wasn't allowed to do any of that. It was far too dangerous. He had explained that to her a number of times and while Beatrix knew the rules, she loved rules, right now she wanted to burn all of them so that there was a chance of seeing her dad, of holding him, of listening to his advice, hearing his laugh... Her eyes welled up in even more tears frustrated by her own selfishness, even when right now in this moment, she deserved to be just that.

The unsteadiness of his voice had her own protectiveness coming out. It always seemed to no matter how rotten she was feeling (which was rare) and her desires to shield and protect her best friend from everything that she could won out. "Even super late?" Her voice cracked with a pathetic little smile as she choked out a tiny laugh at the state of her and him, thumbs moving to his cheeks to wipe a few tears away from the corners of his eyes, before she was crying all over again. 

"But if I don't take care of you, who will?" She sniffled, her head resting on his shoulder. An ironic question seeing as he probably felt the same way about her. They were each other's everything and had been for a long, long time. At his question about her eating she did her best to avoid it, she also didn't want to leave his strong hold, so this morphed itself to her hiding her face in his shoulder to prevent herself from answering. He would only worry more if she was honest. At the question about sleeping she turned her head fully away from him, though still rested on his shoulder, looking toward the window and the dark outside. She couldn't lie to him, so maybe the safest course of action was to not respond to his prying at all.

The third question was a way less sketchy one to answer. "Laundry is fine... I haven't been wearing my work clothes." She sniffled, finally releasing him and going on her knees on the couch cushion, kneeling beside him... a mess. "Just my jammies." She gestured to the current pair that she had on: plaid joggers and a navy blue tshirt with a grey wool pullover. "You got me these for Christmas remember?" Somewhere at home Lincoln had a matching pair... because Ava had purchased him the same thing. She thought it would be a riot. Really, they were just cozy.

[Deleted]

Link held her close. He watched as her tears became came close to breaching her tear duct again. He turned into a professional tear dabber rather quickly, touching her cheek here and there. He wanted all of her pain. All of her fears, and all of her doubts on the matter. He wanted to battle it alongside her. To vanquish these invisible foes that troubled her. But he couldn’t uncertainty was something that would pervade. It would always pervade. But he’d be damned if he didn’t try.

He unearthed a short, dry chuckle. “I usually find that super late is when one need’s this kind of offer the most. Yes. It’s snowing at 4AM and you can’t sleep? You give me a ring or stop by. Alejandro treating you shit? You give me a ring or stop by. Shit if I’m out of the country, and you just need a change of scenery or want to sleep with that comforter you love, you come to my place and do just that. You will never not have a rock to lean on. I promise.” She knew that. At least he had hoped. He gave her a key to his apartment years ago, and she’d have it forever if she wanted to. Her wiping his tears away did no good. New ones filled their vacancies, and flowed, creating tiny rivers on his face.

She brought up a valid point. They were both fixers. They helped each other when they needed it. But they could fill in respectively for themselves when the situation called for it. This was once of those situations. He stroked her head softly. “I can take care of myself for a little bit, don’t you worry. But you.. you are going to be cared for. Starting with a pizza of your choosing. And no you will not be making it yourself. We are going to order it. And you don’t have to stop there - you can have wings, jalapeño poppers, the works. Whatever you want, name it.” He wasn’t usually this direct, but he was in his own version of caretaker mode now. “My treat. “

He dug his wallet out, retrieving a blue debit card to be used for the food at a later time. Tossing it on the coffee table he continued - “And then.. well I don’t know how to help you sleep. But we’ll think of something.” Sleeping pills were out, he didn’t care for them. He could use Bewitched charm, but he didn’t like that either. Unless she really wanted that of course. He snickered at her laundry remarks. “How could I forget superstar! Sorry I forgot mine at home.” Thanks Ava. He simulated taking pictures as if he was a paparazzo and she were an A-list celebrity, fresh off the red carpet.

He put his invisible camera away, smiling for the first time in what felt like forever. He leapt up from the couch, grabbing a handful of takeout menus from the side of Bea’s fridge that were in mint condition. Perk of being a chef, he assumed. He circled back around the couch, retaking his spot next to her, and handed her some menus. “I want you to circle every single thing you want on one of these menus. And if you try to be funny and circle the whole thing, or circle a bunch of things from multiple menus, jokes on you, because I WILL order absolutely everything you circled.” He shot her a knowing glance. He was serious.

[BEATRIX KIDDO]

There was just something about Lincoln's hold that was so magically special... and not because he was a wizard either. It was something so uniquely Lincoln that no other human being on earth could duplicate. Her father had special hugs too of course, tight hugs that would threaten to squeeze you to the point of almost losing breath but miraculously you survived and wanted more. Hugs that made you feel like the center of the universe. Heck, like as if in the universe it was just the two of you and it didn't matter that everyone else had disappeared. Though her father's hugs had always been tops, and she would miss them so very much, there was just something special and comforting about Link hugs. She hoped that they would never be few and far between and no matter what happened to them, or the paths that they would take (which would hopefully always be together but, when he met someone, would no doubt diverge).

"So... You're like a ghostbuster? All I have to do is call?" She asked quietly with a little sniffle referencing one of the many muggle films that they had watched together. Most would find her comment to be silly and most likely a joke, but Lincoln would easily find the sincerity in it. He understood her like nobody else. He had written and was the holder of the Beatrix Kiddo dictionary. Her head perched on his shoulder, face tilted, cheek against the fabric of his shirt she remained still in his arms, aside from the occasional sniffle, as he reached out to gently dab her tears. Whatever he managed to wipe away would soon have a replacement, though with each return they were farther in between. Even when her brow stopped scrunching and she felt like she wasn't pushing them out so that they would vacate her body they still kept slipping right out. Turns out crying was a pretty easy thing to do when you felt broken. Unfixable. Lost. But, right now, she didn't feel as alone as before... Bless this champion of a man. Thank God for Lincoln Watts. They broke the mold when they created him... whoever it was. Beatrix wasn't a religious person but she was certain there had to be a higher power out there somewhere for a knight such as the man holding her to exist.

And this man was crying along with her. He was such an empathetic soul down under it all, just like her, she had learned. She really should know better than to bawl like a baby and think that he wouldn't join her. With no judgment about his tears she too reached out and began to lightly wipe them away with her fingers taking care of him like he was looking after her. Her touch so light, so soft, so adoring, and so very Bea.

"I do like that comforter a lot." She told him with a barely there smile, so unlike her (but again her whole world was falling apart). "I'm beginning to think you keep it because you like me bugging you." A joke of course, but if only she understood that there was some truth in it. The comforter had, for sure, seen better days but still Lincoln held onto it. It was nice of him to do, or maybe he didn't have any other extra blankets for when he had company (surely he had other visitors besides her)... or something.

At his offer for pizza she opened her mouth to protest but he beat her to the punch which actually had her smiling a bit more. "Buffalo chicken wing pizza?" She asked quietly as if he might say no, despite him very clearly laying down the offer. Her smile growing even more as he pantomimed being a photographer. Even though he really wasn't taking pictures she lifted her hands to cover her face and, wouldn't you know it? Even laughed. "Stop, Linky. I look awful." If only she could see herself through his eyes. She could be covered in mud and wearing a burlap sack and she still would have been the prettiest person he had ever seen.

Accepting the menus she leaned forward spreading them out on the coffee table. Her tired eyes scanned the mass of them for a long time before looking over at Lincoln next to her. "Will you eat with me?" She asked genuinely needing him to say yes before she even considered ordering anything. Confident in what his answer would be she turned back to the menus and pulled out a marker from a holder on the table circling two things on one menu. Catching him looking at her she sighed, smiling and rolled her eyes and circled another two items. A farm to table restaurant and Beatrix had decided butternut squash, a mushroom and spinach flat bread, a cranberry apple salad, and roasted half chicken with two sides were the standouts (truthfully because she knew Lincoln would like all of those things).

"Better?"

TAG: @lincoln