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9/27
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Harry Potter:"Do you really think there's going to be a war, Sirius?"
Sirius Black: "It… feels like it did before."
TURN ON THE LIGHT is a Post- Potter roleplay that takes place twenty-five years after the Second Wizarding War.
We welcome canon and original characters in this (currently) sandbox style roleplay.
The rapid knocking at her door pulled her out of bed. Truth be told, knowing what she knew (and was hiding), she had a hunch about who it might be. It was this hunch that kept her from falling asleep choosing instead to lay on her back on count the cracks in her ceiling (there were not any so this was very difficult to do!). It felt like a weight was on her chest and it had been there for weeks since Beatrix confided in her. Asked for her help. Ava didn't like lying, she loved her brothers more than anything, but Beatrix had been like a sister and the woman had practically begged her to. In truth, she had been very convincing. So for once in her whole life Ava wouldn't spill the beans, she wouldn't lecture, she would help... but helping Bea didn't feel like she was helping Lincoln even if that's exactly what Beatrix said she was doing.
"Lincoln..." Her brother had asked her a few months ago to stop calling him Linky. Something about how it now had another meaning and it would be inappropriate so please stop. Ava dared not question it and it had taken some getting used to but she was managing. "It's three in the morning." She looked him up and down. He was still in his clothes and he looked worn, worried... so worried. "What's going on?" She knew what was going on and not just because he had called her a few hours ago and rambled her ear off. Still, she was delivering a performance that could get her nominated for an Oscar (or at the very least an Emmy). She would have felt proud about it if she didn't feel so shitty for lying to someone that she cared so much about.
"Come on..." Reaching out she pulled him into her home not even reminding him to take off his shoes. There was no place for pestering now.
Lincoln was sure that the trials and tribulations of Bea’s tenure in the hospital would be the absolute lowest point of his life. It was the fear. The uncertainty of it all. The finality of what could be, and the devastation of what never would be. He wasn’t sure if had any reason to walk the earth otherwise. But the feeling was trumped. Surpassed in the worst of ways. A feeling he wouldn’t wish on any other human who drew breath.
It started off fairly innocuously. Lincoln got home at his usual time. There was no scent though. Nothing wafting as he walked into his apartment. Atypical? Sure. But nothing that warranted guttural fear. But then time continued to pass. Beatrix Kiddo was absolutely nowhere to be found. Her phone appeared to be off and gone. She wasn’t at the apartment. She wasn’t at work. She wasn’t at her usual haunts. She was just… gone. Lincoln was concerned - but still didn’t panic. He called Ava, and Allen respectively. Neither had heard from her, apparently. That’s when the panic set in. Because there simply wasn’t much else to go on. It was as if she had gone up in smoke. Like she had never really existed in the first place.
Night came. Deep night - the time of night when he should have been preparing to sleep. To sleep with Beatrix Kiddo blissfully unconscious next to him. But the apartment was silent, save for his hyperventilating. He didn’t know what to do, or where to turn. He thought hard. Had she said she was going somewhere? Had he not been listening? No, no that was impossible. Every word she uttered was scripture for Lincoln. If she said she was going somewhere, and wouldn’t be able to contact Lincoln, he would’ve remembered. Because he would’ve been absolutely devastated until she came back, like some sort of lost puppy. Something was wrong. Something was absolutely, undoubtedly, wrong. And he needed to find her.
So, after wracking his brain for hours, he decided the next best course of action would be to intrude on Ava’s sleep. He apparated, though only outside. He wanted to maintain some decorum. Besides, he didn’t need to get injured by scaring her in her own home. It wasn’t the time for that. He did however pound ferociously on the door. A close second in instilling fear in someone.
He was greeted by a tired-looking form. His own looking destitute and ragged. His eyes were bugging out of his head, and his hair was a mess. Appearances were the least of his concern. “Ava..” His voice was weak as he stepped into her home. He began pacing immediately. “Ava she’s gone. She’s gone and I- I looked everywhere. I called her 79 times, and left 142 texts. Nothing. She’s nowhere Ava. She wasn’t at work. She was anywhere she enjoyed hanging out. It’s like she up and just… left. But that can’t be. It wouldn’t be. She would never do that.” He was biting his nails now. There was no good outlet for his emotions. “Ava where would she go? Did she talk to you at all about going anywhere? Doing anywhere? Has Allen? When did you last see her?” Tears were coming soon.
Lincoln was a mess. It had only been a few hours since he had clocked that something at home was abnormal and he already looked like he had been tirelessly searching the world for her for a month. Lincoln had always been the most dramatic of the three Watts siblings. Everything he felt for Beatrix or about life in general was Shakespeare level end all be all and everyone else was nuts for thinking he was being too much. If tonight had been under happier circumstances she would have mused silently to herself how happy she was that he had found someone who adored him fully: eccentricities and all.
"Seventy nine times, Lincoln?" She repeated the numbers in utter disbelief. Thank merlin she had remembered to help Beatrix put her muggle phone into airplane mode before this whole event. Not just so it couldn't be tracked but also because the minutes would have been eaten right up in less than twenty minutes at Lincoln's hand. "A hundred and forty two - Lincoln, it has only been a few hours." He was worried and why wouldn't he be? He had every reason to be. The woman that he loved more than life itself had seemingly vanished. Something terrible could have happened to her, and something had - though not what he might be concocting in his head currently. Ava had to bring him back to earth before he got carried away but she also had to straddle the line of what she had promised Beatrix (under immense protest mind you). This was a dance that she did not enjoy doing and unlike her two brothers, she didn't much enjoy dancing to begin with.
"We don't even know that anything is wrong." It was difficult to calm someone when you knew that they had every right to be as upset as they were. Even worse when you couldn't give them the answer that you already had the unfortunate honor to know. He was biting his nails. It had been years since she had seen him anxious enough to do that. She had to do something to quell his racing mind and fast or he would totally self destruct. "Maybe she just went for a walk... A long walk... Or maybe out with a friend." But you know that isn't true, don't you Ava? "Maybe it's a work thing, you know the weird hours she can keep if there's an event, or maybe she told you she had a weekend trip and you forgot, or... have you maybe thought that..." Oh Merlin, this was a mistake. She instantly hated herself for even weighing the option before throwing it out there. "Maybe she just needs space?" Technically this wasn't a lie she just wasn't telling him the actual reason. Like she had promised. Didn't make it any easier. "Things between the two of you were so slow and then so fast maybe it was... too much?" Not true. Not true in the slightest. Her head was screaming. Those two were perfect for each other. Everything they did was so dang perfect... except maybe this.
"Not everything is a code red level kidnapping event, Linky..." She faltered using the nickname out of habit that he had recently told her to stop using. Reaching out she gently rubbed his arm in an effort to get him to stop pacing. "Sometimes things like this just... happen." Not to them. Not to either of them. Love blind do gooder chumps deserve their happily ever after. They did... until life (or the risk of losing it) got in the way. "Come on. Sit down over here. I'll get you some tea and we can talk this through before you wear a hole in my floorboards." A joke, albeit an awkward one. Also unlike her brothers a sense of humor that wasn't dry sarcasm had escaped her... especially sober.
He nodded at each of her numerical confirmations. 79. 142. That seemed right and reasonable in the moment. “No, Ava. It has not been just a few hours. It has only been a few hours since it’s been confirmed that something is very wrong. Subtle, but important distinction.” Link was smart. Perhaps, not as outrightly intelligent as his siblings. But he was no dummy. “We.. I have no idea how long she’s actually been gone. It could technically be as low as 9 hours. Or as high as 17 hours. We don’t know. Both are bad. Because she’s not responding to anything Ava.” His eyes bugged out further. Was she hearing him? Did she not think that all of this was as odd as he did? What was going on? “She’s a ghost, Ava. For all intents and purposes, she has disappeared from this plane. And I don’t know how, why or where.” He was all but pleading. His sister had to help him, right?
We don’t know that anything is wrong? “Incorrect. So egregiously wrong Ava. I know something is wrong. I know it. I’ve known this girl my entire life. I’m not wrong about this.” He ran his hand through his now damp scalp. He was sweating. “A long walk? At 3AM? Out with a friend? With no note? No warning?” His voice was elevating. Annoyed. She was treating him like a kid. Why was she doing that? If the situation were reversed, he would’ve put on his coat, and started looking. “A weekend trip?” Now he looked annoyed. Is she serious? A weekend trip? He would’ve remembered. He always remembers.
Space.
The word caused him to freeze. His gaze met his sister’s. Was he in the Twilight Zone? He approached her slowly. Arms staunchly frozen at his sides. “Beatrix Kiddo did not need space. She was happy. I know that. I fucking know that Ava. So stop. Just.. stop it. It wasn’t too fast. I didn’t force her to do anything. Hell, she didn’t even LIVE with me officially, she still had her own place! If she ever needed space she just went there!” It was not the time for Ava to be combative. He wanted her to be supportive. To put on her sneakers and help him look. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I’ve already spoken to Allen. He is.. markedly more concerned than you are.” His eyes narrowed. “Which is weird.. Now that I think about it, that’s out of character for him. Even in crises, he's more level-headed. Anyway, he’s searching where he can right now.” He took a few steps back and resumed pacing. He would wear holes in the floor before it was all done.
He gripped his own hair, as she continued to downplay his fears. Over and over and over again. Not a code-red-level kidnapping event. Sometimes things like this just happen. We can talk this through. He shook off her touch on his arm. “AVA WATTS!” He turned, smacking an open palm with force against an adjacent wall. He was angry now. Furious at the repeated incredulity. “I am SICK, and TIRED of whatever this bullshit game this is. And I am not playing it. Not tonight. Are you going to help me find her, or are you not?!” Tears were welling up. He felt so alone. How did he even know Allen was searching for that matter? Truthfully, none of it was relevant. He would find her. Regardless of the circumstances, who would help, or how, he would bring her home. And he would never lose her again. “I DON’T need your rationalities, I DON’T need your excuses, I NEED MY BEA.”
"C'mon Lincoln, get your head on straight. You're an auror for Merlin's sake. Losing your head isn't going to do anyone any damn good." This was hard. Too hard. She hated lying to her brother. Absolutely loathed it. It didn't get her any satisfaction from 'pulling one over on him' in this regard. Quite the opposite. It killed her. Even now, standing there stoic and eerily calm she felt her stomach do a series of tumbles and she felt queasy. If Lincoln wasn't standing before her losing his damn head she would have puked right into the nearest expensive collectible vase.
He wasn't listening to her. Between his pacing and prattling on, his Lincoln-esque rambles he wasn't hearing anything that she had to say. Perhaps her delivery could use some work or maybe he was just too worked up - perhaps a combination of both. She had to do something and fast especially if she was to keep her promise to Beatrix. His hand slamming against the wall had surprised her but it also kicked her into action which was very much needed.
"Lincoln Alexander Watts you will not raise your voice at me nor will you make a mess of my home in front of me in some sort of tantrum." She went toe to toe with the middle Watts her gaze narrowed as if daring him to challenge her. "Now-" Without warning she pulled out her elegant wand from its holster by the door and held it in front of him. "Lumos." The light blinded him and she seized the opportunity pointing it at a nearby chair. "Accio chair." It slid across the floor beneath Lincoln's rear and she promptly pushed him into it.
"Calm. Down." She warned lowly, standing before him. Twirling her wand between her fingers she kept a close eye on him. Though Ava was particularly skilled at spells her brothers were close rivals. If she turned away it would have been a mistake and it wasn't in her to disarm him. That just seemed cruel. "Stop yelling, stop ripping your own hair, and for the love of Merlin stop hitting my walls. Capiche?" Lincoln had used the muggle Italian phrase on her before it only seemed fair to use it back on him. "You work yourself up when you're like this." She continued to warn him honestly afraid that he would give himself a heart attack.
"Bea is fine, Linky..." She knew this would be a mistake but seeing his sad and confused face pushed her in that direction and there was no going back. "She told me so." This wasn't going to be good.
Get my head on straight? Is this woman serious? Link placed his hands on his hips, a stern look of disapproval resembling that of their father etched on his face. He dislodged one hand from his hip, and pointed a finger at his sister. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare Ava Watts. Don’t tell me to ‘relax’, or ‘take it easy’. That’s so easy for you to say. She’s not okay Ava. I know it. In my heart of hearts.” His voice cracked on the last sentence. He was losing it. He was losing her. Every minute that passed was another minute Bea was in danger. At least in his mind. Add he was growing tired of the Ava Watts politicking.
In his freneticism, he almost couldn’t process what was happening with the magical implementations that were cast upon him. First, he was blinded. A bright light, that spread through his field of vision, followed by a blunt force on the back of his knees, forcing him back into a chair. He frantically looked around, as though he were a stray cat caught in a trap. “W- what is wrong with you!? You.. you..” It was reminiscent of that night at the party. When he said things he didn’t mean to his sister. And Bea kicked her out. Bea. His Bea. Kicked her out. He could feel his lips contorting into a cry. “I-...” What could he say? And how could he say it? Sitting down stilled him. He didn’t just hear the blood rushing through his ears, or the thunderous beating of his heart. “Okay..” His voice was breathy and hoarse. The actions of the day finally taking their toll on the man. Adrenaline no longer coursing as hard. His biochemistry shifted in such a way to acquiesce to his sister’s request.
Ava was weaponized. There was no point in trying anything now anyway. She would win. Lincoln never won anything.. never against either sibling. “Okay. I am sorry.” His wavering voice and trembling lips transported him back to a time before he was a man. A boy that was scared of the world but always found a way to laugh anyway. With Ava. Sweet Ava. Annoying Ava. His darling little sister. He looked up at her. Defeated and deflated. She was imposing. But how fearful could one be once they had already lost? “It’s hard not to when you know something is wrong.. I have to find her sis. I need to find my future wife. And the future mother of my kids. I have to. I have to.” The words flowed like a bassy molasses.
But then. All at once, it changed.
As if billions of endorphins cried out at once. The words were like a shock to the heart. A resuscitation back to life, from previous death. He slowly looked up at her. His face was blank. Expressionless, save for the fresh tears. “She told you so.” The ringing in his ears started. The din quickly became overbearing. He slowly rose from his sitting position, eyes never leaving her. “You knew?” Thundering heart again, BPM surely rising past 120. His field of vision began shaking. “Where is she Ava?” His right hand remained inches from his holstered wand. He wasn’t the world’s greatest duelist. But if anything, he was a fast draw. “Tell me now.”
"I do dare because that's exactly what you need to do, Lincoln. Relax. Chill. In whatever order you choose but you better do both stat." The way that he was looking at her now: unamused, impatient, annoyed. He looked like their dad. Ugh. Pointing out that fact would only make things worse for both of them so Ava decided in the moment to keep that realization to herself. Lincoln was not their father. Even now when he was pissed to hell off he was not like that awful curmudgeon of a man. He was silly, and kind, caring (too caring one might say), sensitive, sweet, and despite what he saw day after day in his line of work innocent somehow. All of these words could also apply to the current missing love of his life Beatrix but, again, it was probably best not to point that factoid out.
What was wrong with her? Lots of stuff surely but for right now... "I told you to take a seat and you weren't, so I helped." Clearly. She gave an ill-timed sarcastic little shrug with her left shoulder before stepping out of his reach to avoid any swings or left hooks that might come her way. Just because she was a girl didn't mean that she and her brother had never tussled. Quite the opposite. Ava could hold her own with both older boys mainly out of necessity. It was those wrestle sessions that helped prepare her for the career that she was in today.
For a moment he relented. "Thank you very much." She didn't let her guard down just yet but a little sigh left her lips. "Bea is fine, Lincoln..." If by fine you mean she meant to disappear because of a potentially incurable illness then yeah sure - she was peaches and cream. It was then that it seemed to hit the middle Watts sibling square in the gut like a sucker punch. His expression or lack of one, so weak and pathetic unlike his usual hopeful one tore her apart more than any spell ever could. Still, she did her best to not let it show. Straightening and swallowed she fixed her nightgown as if that would make her more presentable at this ungodly hour. Really, she was just nervous and extremely guilty. The tears that were slinking down Lincoln's cheek surely wasn't helping matters.
"Yes." The single word admission landed like a drop of water into a puddle in the middle of an empty warehouse. Despite being quiet it was somehow deafening. He slowly rose to his feet as if tugged by an invisible string with a newfound irritation in his eyes. "She did. I, uh, did..." Gulping she took a step back and clutched her wand at the ready absentmindedly. "I couldn't tell you, Linky. She made me promise." That did little to ease his anger. Her eyes caught glimpse of where his hand hovered and she raised his wand in his line of sight so to silently ward him off. "She didn't tell me where she was going. Just that she needed to. She begged me not to tell you. Begged. I introduced her to Seamus Internal Affairs and Obliviation, connected them, and..." She had said too much. She should have never answered the door this evening.
"I'm so sorry... I have no idea. I just know that she didn't want us to know." Rather, she didn't want Lincoln to know. "I'm sorry L-" She reached out for his shoulder only to stop herself. No. He didn't want to be touched by her. He probably didn't want to talk to her ever again. She could only try and damage control - and wasn't that supposed to be her specialty? "Allen had no idea. I swear." What did her word count for now anyways?
“I’m sorry I just.. I guess I’m letting this get the better of me. That’s not helpful for anyone I guess. Least of all Bea. So.. okay.” His blood pressure was dropping. His heart rate slowing. He was coming to center. It was logical, right? To try and calm down. To try and relax, even when the stakes were dangerously high. Or, had at least felt dangerously high. After all, Ava was reasonably confident that he should settle. And Lincoln knew his sister was one smart cookie. So tried to relax and calm down he did. Ava Watts knew best. Ava Watts always knew best. She was smart. And loyal. And kind. Well, maybe not kind. But all of the others, sure. And he knew that. So he would oblige. As long as she would eventually become his guiding light in all of this madness.
“Yea I’m.. yea. You’re right.” He managed a weak laugh. He was probably being silly after all. What was he going to do - hurt his sister? That was ludicrous. No no, he was going to take it easy. Work collaboratively - or at least he had wanted to. She had blown the top off of the whole operation. One slip. One verbal cue. One mistake was all it took. Lincoln was tired. But he could still be two and two together. Ava Watts doesn’t know best. Ava Watts is an obstructor. An obstacle. You self-centered, pompous, no-good, entitled, holier-than-thou, brat. He thought he was saying it out loud. But he was staring as she stuttered and sputtered. Searching for the right them to say when there was none. “She made you.. promise?” His voice was a straight whisper. No intonation. Almost like it was a statement, spoken between two adjacent children playing hide and seek, and regrettably picking the same hiding spot.
Seething. Unbridled, terroristic rage brewed deep within Lincoln. He was ready to lash out at anyone and everything that wasn’t Beatrix Kiddo. This included Ava Watts. “You introduced her to.. You..”Why would you lie? His thoughts became reality. Words, lashing, and whipping. “Why would you lie to me? Why would you do this? Again, and again.. You think you have it all figured out Ava. You think this is easy. At least, easy enough that you can pull this off and not think about how it would affect your own flesh and blood. You think you’re doing the right thing. You’re not.” He reached for his wand slowly, finding purchase. “The truth is Ava.. you’re a self-serving, egomaniac, with a god complex. But worst of all - you’re a liar. You’re just like mom. You’re just like dad.” Perhaps those words would hurt more than any other, and maybe any other action he would take.
He watched as her hand reached for him, and then recoiled. A wise decision. He was a predator in waiting. An opening is all he would need. He was no longer rational. “You’re not sorry. Don’t say that Ava. Save it for Allen. Maybe you can try the act when you hide Krys from him.” He shrugged, biting his lip, and nodding. Tears running down his face again. The betrayal was too much. It was all too much. “I’m going to hurt you, Ava Watts. I’m going to hurt you. And I just want you to remember that when I do - your pain is a fraction of what I feel right now, in this moment. Everte Statum!” In one fluid motion, he unsheathed his wand, pointing it at Ava, and unleashed. An orange light darted towards her, intent on sending her flying and causing pain in doing so. He could’ve used Filipendo. But Filipendo simply didn’t hurt enough. She needed to understand to never separate him from his soulmate again. And to never lie to him regarding a matter that was life and death. He was broken.
"Yes. She did." She hollowly uttered the three words that she knew would make things very complicated. She managed to keep the emotion from her words if only not to rile him up. Lincoln was speaking with a blank look, devoid of feeling himself and, from growing up with him, she knew exactly what was to come. A tantrum. It didn't matter if he was ten years old or forty. It didn't change. He was a ticking time bomb and Ava Watts planned on being ready for the explosion.
"I know that it's not what you want to here, hell, I hate hearing it and I'm saying it but it's true. You don't have to like it, in fact I know that you hate it, I do too, but it's the way it is." There were some days, like today, that she really hated being the voice of reason. She felt cold, like a robot or a mean girl, and contrary to what folks, including her own brothers thought, that isn't how she liked to be.
"Because she asked me to. No, she begged me to." Her hand clutching her wand clenched the stick more tightly. She was careful not to draw his eye but she had to be ready to aim in a millisecond is his raising in volume voice was any indication. "I didn't want to Lincoln but she needed my help. I care about you and I care about Bea. You know that. She's like a sister to me and Allen... Allen and I. Lincoln-" But he didn't let her finish. He was off. And you know what? Maybe she deserved it. No. She did. Definitely.
"Lincoln-" Tick. Tick. Tick... The boom wouldn't be far behind. Normally she would pretend that she was fine, let the words roll right off her back like water on a duck, but it was the comparison to their 'darling' mother and father that had the air punched right out of her. "I am not like them." For the first time in a very long time, tears stung her blue eyes. She felt like a little girl again. When one time because she was six and didn't know any better she blabbed to Bea that Lincoln wanted to marry her and her brother than proceeded to hex her doll aflame (after Beatrix had left of course). They got over it of course, Lincoln even used his birthday money to get her a new one, but something told Ava this wasn't like the doll. This was worse. Far worse.
"I'm not..." Her voice cracked weakly, so very much unlike her, and subconsciously she took a step back from the auror actually afraid. "Lincoln... Please..." Her grasp on her wand loosened which gave Lincoln the window that he needed to cast. She went flying, hard, seven feet back into a bookcase breaking a shelf as several books and ceramic collectibles fell around her on the floor. She screamed as a sharp pain shot through her, her hands holding where it came from, wincing. She wasn't sure what hurt more, the spell or who it came from.
"Linky..." She croaked, looking up at him from the floor, fearful. "This... isn't you... It's not..." Her wand lay at her brother's feet. He could end her if he wanted... maybe he should. It would end the guilt and that seemed like a reprieve. "You're my brother..." She gasped, eyeing him to make sure he wasn't going to cast another spell if she budged she slowly moved up from the fetal position to her knees... slowly so not to upset him further. "You're sweet... and kind and..." She was crying. She hated it all. "This isn't you. If she saw you like this ... It would break her heart..." That was probably a mistake to say but it was out there now.
Yes. She. Did. Collaborator. Conspirator. Liar. Liar. Liar. Lincoln was a centrifuge. The inputs the words of his sister, and the emotions of his manic state, creating one concoction that will erupt in short order. Whether he wanted it to or not. This was not his sister. How could it be? She wouldn’t do this. Was this a lie? Was anything the truth? Somewhere in the middle?
Lincoln was unable to hear, or rather simply did not care to hear how his words had been affecting his sister. He stood, imperious in the moment. He felt powerful. He had needed to. Whatever hole Bea was in, only he could drag her out of it. She would not stay gone for long. What had been his darling baby sister was now an obstacle. Cracking voices, and tears that would’ve normally brought Lincoln to his knees, simply went ignored. The byproduct of a liar. The byproduct of an obfuscator.
As she flew against the bookcase, he readied himself again. He had in short order, determined that he did not in fact enjoy this whatsoever. But he would do what he must to get the truth. The real truth - and find his future wife. “Don’t - you don’t get to say that name. Not anymore.” His voice held bass, and rumbled in his chest. A clear departure from his typical, cheery, higher-pitched timbre. He looked down at his feet, noting the wand. Her wand. He instinctively kicked it away, across the room. She was defenseless now. “You’re wrong!” He shouted, his lips quivering before turning into a sharp snarl. “This is me. This is who I’ve always been. You just took something from me that I cannot live without.” He took a step further. What do I do? What do I do? What have I done? I can’t go back now.“I can’t believe it’s come to this.” He lowered his wand slightly, as she moved to her knees, but raised it once more when she was finished adjusting. “I just can’t believe this is what it has come to.” He ran his free hand through his hair.
Seeing his sister cry now, after hurting her was different. He had rarely seen that. It was usually him bawling at something or other. But this time, it was her. Was she scared? Was she ashamed? Did it matter? His lips quivered again, unsnarling as she told him he was sweet and caring. He wanted to be strong. Strong for Bea. She needed strong right now. He needed strong right now. But it wasn’t in his nature. He wasn’t resilient like Allen. He felt foreign in his own body. But at that point, he felt closer to finding his partner, than when he was panicky, sweet Lincoln. The confliction was consuming him from the inside. Because Ava was right about one thing - if Bea saw him right then, it would shatter her. But it was all for her.
He moved slowly towards his sister, wand still pointed, his face a tangled mess of emotion. He haphazardly wiped his streaming eyes. His ears were ringing. He was a foot from her then. This was his little sister. His baby sister. He would die for this woman a million times over. He would console her if she ever needed it. She never did but.. didn’t she now? Everyone had to make sacrifices. He remembered speaking with Allen about it. There was a right way to go about things. Maiming ones little sister was likely not the most pertinent move conducive to success. His hand was shaking, as though he was nearing hypothermia. “I’m sorry..” His voice was a hoarse whisper. His wand fell out of his hand, and his breathing became shallow. A panic attack. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He fell to his knees with a thud, shoulders heaving with the weight of the world. He hung his head in shame as the tears fell. “I’m sorry.” Slowly, he lowered his head down into the lap of his baby sister, hands folded underneath. He had a thousand-yard stare, but he couldn’t see. Ringing ears, that couldn’t hear. And no Bea. But he still had his sister, he had hoped. “I have to find her Ava..” The rush of endorphins wearing off caused his words to slur, as though he was drunk. “If I don’t find her, I won’t make it.” His body shook with a gentle vibration.
"I'm sorry, Lincoln." She corrected herself to survive as much as it pained for. "Lincoln. It'll be Lincoln from now on, I swear." What was happening to Lincoln Watts? Ava's mind couldn't help but rack itself in utter confusion as she tried to figure it out despite the pain, both emotional and physical, that she was feeling. Like she had managed to stammer out, this wasn't him. This wasn't the kind boy who, when she had a bad day as a little one, did his best to make her laugh no matter how stupid the jokes were. This wasn't the sweet man who constantly tried to put a positive turn on things. The man who took care of those around him just like his eldest brother Allen. There wasn't any childlike wonder and optimism in his eyes and it scared her. Where was their little family's constant dreamer who was always asking 'what if' instead of 'no but'? How did they get here? How did they get him back? She was scared of what she saw now. It may be the last thing she ever saw at this rate.
"No. No it's not." She tried to reason with him, still on her knees practically begging for some sort of calm. "You're the Lincoln who would hold my hand when we crossed the street back when we went to regular school. You're the same Lincoln who tried to make me a sweater one year because Bea was into knitting and instead you made me a scarf that I still have. You get so nervous that you practiced your I love you speech for Bea three times a week for twenty years so you could get it right. You're the sweet, kind, and caring Lincoln who would never, ever hurt anyone. Not me. Please not me... Big brother..." Did he even remember? Did he even care? Merlin, she hoped so. There had to be that light there somewhere and she was scrounging for it.
And, all at once, like the breaking of the clouds to reveal the sunshine, there it was. A glimpse of Lincoln again. The dropping of the wand against her floor solidified it and then it all came crashing through. And he fell into her lap, a pile of tears, nerves, and shakes. A mess. Her mess. Her arms instantly wrapped around his form, cradling him as he laid his head in her lap desperately seeking comfort. She couldn't put him at ease like Beatrix Kiddo, no one could, but Merlin, would she try. God would she ever.
"It's okay, Lincoln. It's okay. I've got you." Ava made no move to grab his wand. Would it have been the smart thing to do? Sure. But he was her brother and he was broken. She wanted him to know that she trusted him, loved him - even if he gave her every reason to do the opposite. "I'm alright. You're alright. We're alright. We have to be." She rocked him slightly like their mother should have when they were kids. She had to get him back, his words were mumbled and he was shutting down. "Yes you will. You will make it. Because you have to. We don't have any choice to make our way through. To get by." Looking down at him she tried to het him to look at her. To focus. "Because, when she's ready, she'll come back. Right?" She was truing to give him alternative things to thing, more positive and hopeful things. "And you have to be ready to welcome her back. Hug her, and kiss her, and never let her go, right?" Ava gave him a weak smile. "And then everything will be just like it was... No... even better. How does that sound?"
