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Harry Potter:"Do you really think there's going to be a war, Sirius?"
Sirius Black: "It… feels like it did before."
TURN ON THE LIGHT is a Post- Potter roleplay that takes place twenty-five years after the Second Wizarding War.
We welcome canon and original characters in this (currently) sandbox style roleplay.
Post by KIERAN BECKETT on Oct 18, 2023 7:15:42 GMT
It would be unbecoming to admit there was a little pep in his step as he made his way to the tech offices. Shameful, even to admit it to himself. He was never particularly fond of Allen Watts. Kieran didn’t dislike him. In truth, he didn’t know the man well enough to really dislike him. His whole feeling was on vibes, and Allen’s were never particularly warm toward him. Polite, but Kieran always felt as if the man was trying to warn him away from something. Especially if Kieran was milling around the tech department. Which was a shame, because he rather liked the tech department.
Still, you never liked to hear about another Auror’s disappearance. Kieran wasn’t privy to the details, if there even were any. One day Allen was there and the next he wasn’t. Strange, but not his business. Worrying about things that weren’t his business were what lead to his previous burnout, and he wasn’t interested in repeating that mistake. At least, not so soon. Burke gave him other assignments, and those were his business.
If there was one thing that bothered him about his co-worker’s disappearance, aside from it being super bonkers that it even happened, was how upset it seemed to make the nice lady in the tech department. She was always pleasant to him. A bit peculiar, but in a way that was simply bewitching. Kieran never got to spend too much time with her while Allen was around. He never said anything to him, but Kieran always felt like he was intruding and generally unwanted. It was a very “you can make pleasantries but don’t outstay your welcome” kind of vibe. With Allen MIA, Kieran could make all the pleasantries he wanted. Even so, she didn’t seem to be having a very good time of it with the man gone. Kieran hated to see it.
Food always made him feel better. His mom’s food? That could raise him from the dead. Unfortunately, his mother was on another continent, so they’d have to make do with his cooking.
Kieran walked through the door of the tech department cradling a packaged meal in his hands. He gave his hellos and smiles to people he passed, trying to look as normal as possible. After a little searching, he found her working at a large desk. For a moment, he felt badly about interrupting. Just for a moment, though. “Hi,” Kieran lowered his head to try to move into her eyeline in an attempt to gently pry her from work without startling her. “I, uh,” hmm. He hadn’t actually rehearsed. Was it weird to bring lunch to a woman you barely knew because you felt bad about something that had nothing to do with you? Thoughts for about five minutes ago. Too late now. Onward, Kieran! “I thought you might like lunch? It’s not the best but it always makes me feel better to have a home cooked meal.” A little presumptuous. Kieran quietly produced the food and placed it on the table, chicken pasta soup and cottage pie wrapped with thought and care. He placed a napkin and utensils next to the containers. “You don’t have to, of course, I just...you know. If you want it.” Oh. He really hadn’t thought it through at all. So wrapped up in the cooking and presentation that he never stopped to think: was this a super creepy move? Oh well.
Things had been terrible. Worse than that actually. Krys Robin didn't believe in a heaven or a hell because she didn't believe in God but if she had, it would have been hell. Hell's hell. Days were spent like in a trance of outright despair. Staring too long at things she should be working on, walls, ceilings. Drifting in and out of consciousness only to find out that both were equally as terrible and felt like being crushed from the inside out. She didn't know who she was without Allen Watts: her savior, her protector, her everything... the only thing. So now without him she was just... lost.
The first time he had disappeared had wrecked her. She had sat in a chair by the door waiting for him to come home for weeks and he never did. Nights were spent nearly sleepless beneath the bed they shared, tucked up in a little ball repeatedly opening and closing the tiny box he had given her in his youth that cast constellations and his whereabouts on the ceiling (or whatever was directly above). But his whereabouts weren't shown. He wasn't dead. He wasn't anywhere. And she would never have that comfort. She would never have comfort again. But then he had returned. She had been too shocked, betrayed even. She had trouble adjusting and apparently so did he... because then he disappeared all over again. Not on a mission. Just gone. Gone. Because of her. Leaving her alone when he promised her multiple times a day to never do so. People lied. She had convinced herself that Allen Watts would never do so. She learned from that hypothesis. Never again. The second time had ruined her.
Krys had shut down all over again but this time they were prepared. Ava saw to it she got to work, got set up in a flat of her own but truthfully Krys spent most of her time at work. 16+ hours despite others concerns. Antoine Burke, the 'father' of the aurors and head of the department, eventually played his hand and told her the little white lie that they were redoing her office/lab and that she would need to share with the other techies (who were under her). Not true of course, but it would get her around people. Even so, Krys remained in her own little world.
Were things getting better? No one could say. Krys highly doubted there was a better anymore. Only pain and misery. Only a sense of not belonging anywhere, not even with her creations. She must have assembled the one she was standing before at least a thousand times building it up only to tear it back down. Sometimes she spent a good hour just staring at it or into nothing. People were worried. Some weirded out. All unable to help. The only person who could have helped was long gone never to be heard from or seen again. But she didn't cry as much anymore. Just once a day... sometimes twice. Usually at night. Curled up in the fetal position dwelling over the only thing she had to cling to - memories. Giving herself self given hugs pretending it was someone else. The echoes of her parents' screams. She was trash. No one will love you. You're worthless. You're a freak. A monster. Garbage. They were right.
The techies all stopped what they were doing when he entered. It was rare for an auror to pay them a visit in their dungeon of sorts and his presence didn't go unnoticed. Some had the wherewithal to wave back, though in a daze as if unsure if the man had been sincere. Necks craned to watch the path that he walked all the way over to the head of their department. A few whispers, lots looked away but still snuck glances, pretending to busy themselves so that they weren't singled out by the latest auror rockstar who paid them a visit.
"Hi."
Krys didn't react at first, standing in front of a concoction of parts once again in a daze as Kieran approached, goggles magnifying her eyes only she wasn't working she was lost in thought, in memory, in heartbreak. Her goggles magnified her eyes about three sizes. It was only when he craned his head into her sightline that she finally blinked, registering his presence and coming out of her daydream (though that term sounded way too nice for what she was actually experiencing). Brown hair, tall but not Allen tall, skinny but not scrawny. "Hello Kieran Beckett." She said the name softly lacking the usual detached confidence her greetings usually held. What did he want? He didn't work on this floor. He had been away. Was he lost? Maybe they all were. Wait... lunch?
The offer, though kind, instantly made her stomach drop and she took a sudden step back away from him looking away. "I do not eat lunch anymore." She stated definitively. Allen brought her lunch. Soup. They had it together. Allen was gone so no more lunch. To be honest, she didn't have breakfast either. Both of her hands coming together she began to wring them slightly in front of her waist in an attempt to relieve some of her body's growing tension. "What are you doing here Kieran Beckett? Your office is on the sixteenth floor and though you have been gone for three years, seven months, and six days I do not think that you have forgotten that..." She glanced over her shoulder nervously even though there was nothing there before looking back at the tiles beneath her feet.
No. People. Try to people. The sooner you do so the sooner Antoine Burke will finish work on your lab and let you back in. The techie and magical scientist took a short big breath and lifted her goggles atop her forehead looking back to the man. "What can I assist you with today? Or are you in the newfound habit of food delivery?" She approached her table and returned to work, or at least tried to. Her hands moved quickly over the various parts and nuts and bolts. "How was your breakdown?" She inquired as if asking him how his trip was, and in a way she kind of was. Stepping past him to the other side she smelled like sandalwood. Probably the result of digging about the carpentry bin for wooden parts earlier. Her eyes landed on the offered lunch once more. The cottage pie did look tempting but then there was the covered bowl. Soup. It made her stomach churn and she briefly forgot how to breathe.
Stepping away from the table suddenly she turned her back on it. Breathe. Just breathe. "Can you remove those please?" She murmured her request pathetically, staring at her pokadot boots.
Post by KIERAN BECKETT on Oct 19, 2023 5:57:21 GMT
She looked up at him and Kieran smiled, partially as a polite reflex but also…he’d almost forgotten how delightful she was. He’d been gone so long. Even when he was there before, he almost never got to spend time in the tech department. Few aurors made their way down. Many preferred to have their gadgets handed to them before a mission with little interest in the process. Kieran found it fascinating and would have hung around the department more if he thought he could get away with it. Alas, there was often work to do and many of the techies didn’t seem very comfortable with people peering over their shoulder. He couldn’t blame them, but that didn’t make him any less curious.
His smile widened at her greeting. “Hello Krys Robin.”
Kieran’s face fell at her reaction to the food. “Oh…” He had been too presumptuous. Oh no. He’d made such a mistake. He should have just visited. Or written a note. Or just left her alone. Probably the last one. He’d made an ass out of himself. Kieran watched the woman’s body language change and a panic started to rise in his body that he had to force down. Keep your cool, Kieran!
If there was any question as to how long he had been gone, Krys had the answer. As usual, from what he recalled. It was dawning on him that he never heard, out loud, how long his sabbatical had been. He’d have to remember to thank Burke once again for giving him his job back. Despite the rising anxiety of the fact that she definitely hated him now, he almost chuckled. “No, I haven’t forgotten,” he said finally, trying to put together words that would make his obvious overstep less catastrophic. “I’m sorry. I just…” The words dropped off, just out of his reach. He hadn’t planned for a “no.” Kieran usually had more confidence and an easy charm that seemed to disarm people around him. Except for her. He didn’t know what to do without that. Kieran looked at the food on the table before letting his eyes fall to his shoe, which he toed into the tile, trying to buy time to come up with something.
Krys saved him from himself with her question about food delivery, which garnered a nervous laugh from the man. Kieran lifted his gaze to look at her and noticed that she had removed her goggles. “I guess I am. It doesn’t seem to be going very well, though.” He played with the plastic utensil next to the cottage pie, wiggling it back and forth slightly to keep himself busy through the awkwardness. He let out a hushed chuckle at her blunt question, his panic levels lowering as the conversation moved away from the rejected lunch offer. Kieran appreciated that she was straight to the point. “It was good. I traveled…spent some time with family…did a lot of crossword puzzles.” He left out the part where he’d spent much of his first few months away laying around his flat, absentmindedly watching television and eating crisps while generally feeling sorry for himself.
She moved around him and Kieran caught a whiff of something softly woody on the air. It was familiar and immediately filled him with a comfortable warmth he couldn’t quite explain. Kieran was lost in thought, trying to pinpoint the scent, when Krys spoke again. “Oh, sorry,” He hurried himself, placing the items back into the messenger bag he’d slung across his chest when he left the auror’s office. “I’m really sorry about this. I should have asked first.” Kieran looked over his shoulder at Krys, who had turned around. She seemed upset and Kieran knew it was his fault, which was the exact opposite effect he wanted from this interaction. He went quiet again, feeling rather poorly about the whole situation, and looked over the various pieces laid out on the table. He eyed them with interest, trying to work out what she’d been tinkering with. Curiosity got the better of him. “What are you making?” A beat, and then Kieran realized it could come off as a bit intrusive. "If you don't mind my asking."
He smiled at her. How long had it been since someone had smiled her way. She wasn't foolish enough to think it was for her. Sure folks had attempted to post-Allen's disappearance but those had been tiny smiles of pity. Forced and out of condolences or feeling sorry for her because they found her to be so utterly pathetic (which honestly she was). But this smile that Kieran was sporting wasn't one of those. Despite her lack of understanding in a lot of basic social cues she could tell that much. This one seemed sincere and not because he pitied her. He was smiling at her. Like admiring a picture on the wall that elicited a positive feeling or a muggle tv show (once Jeopardy for her but since Allen's departure she couldn't even hear the signature theme without getting sick to her stomach) or a baked good one quite enjoyed. Was Krys a baked good that the auror really enjoyed? She tilted her head marinating briefly on that notion.
That is until he said her name, his smile growing, his voice soft yet to her it might as well have been shouted. "That is me." She stated quietly, voice soft as if another part of her that had been sleeping for a good long while was beginning to stir. "I am Krys Robin." Krys had a tendency of using people's first names but not many others did. She had heard Miss Robin, or Krys, or that squint, or freak... But her first and her last name? She hadn't heard that since, well, Allen Watts. A pit formed in her stomach at the memory and the look of innocent awe turned into pain that she soon pushed down and once again forced herself to look away. No. It was a trap. Don't get to know anyone else even as a friend. It would only lead to agonizing pain. Besides, nobody really wanted to be her friend anyways.
"Is there something of interest on your shoe?" The magical scientist boldly asked with a firmness that sounded more like a demand than an inquiry. She couldn't help it. If she had an urge or a hypothesis she followed it. Perhaps she could have done with some a lot more candor but hey... you get what you get and don't get upset (except most did). That's where he was looking so there had to be a reason, right?
"Were you hoping for it to go well?" She followed up with question after question. Most of his honest statements catching her off guard and it wasn't a place that she liked to be. She *needed* to know things. All of them. It was one of the few ways she had to acquire a stability that she had lacked for most of her life. "Why?" Her neck threatened to give one of its signature head tilts. No. Things weren't the same. Don't be curious about people. Don't fall into that trap. Lifting her head she fixed her posture and her frown deepened. What was with this man? Click-click-click. The plastic of the fork hit the countertop. Really miniscule as far as sounds went but to Krys it might as well have been a rocket launch. Her eyes wandered from the fork to Kieran, fork, Keiran, fork, Kieran. All of a sudden she reached out to put her hand on the plastic utensil he was fiddling with, stilling it. Not touching him but stilling the plastic so he couldn't wiggle it.
"Crossword puzzles?..." Her words broke the momentary quiet. She couldn't help herself. She enjoyed any sort of puzzle... once upon a time. "Do not be sorry. I did not ask for you to be sorry." Her words were quick, even stern as if annoyed by the notion, before once again refocusing. "What kind of crossword puzzles?" And before he could answer she was off. "Cipher, diagramless, fill-in crosswords, cross-figures, acrostic?" Her eyes, one blue and one brown, snuck a peek at his messenger bag. Were there any in there? "May I see?" That was polite as she would ever be. In fact, that question was perhaps the most polite she had ever been. No. Stop there. Not more. You're better with machines. Not people Don't people. Don't. And yet...
She nodded toward his messenger bag where he had put the food. "You can leave those on the table back there." She nodded toward the far side of the lab. "I do not eat lunch anymore but someone else will. Ten percent of the world population, eight hundred and twenty eight million, go to bed hungry." Catching his gaze she stopped herself, held her breath, and then released in a sigh. "But you do not really care about that, do you?" Shaking her head she walked along the table turning her attention back to the machine that she was now pulling apart purposely not answering his question about it.
Post by KIERAN BECKETT on Oct 23, 2023 7:50:27 GMT
As she repeated her own name, Kieran had to tamp down a smile for fear it might be misunderstood as him laughing at her. He wasn’t. Kieran found her rather charming, in a way. He felt another prickle of dismay with Allen Watts for never leaving them alone on the rare occasion Kieran would make his way to the tech department. “Yes,” he started patiently, watching her as she looked away from him. “I know that.”
From there on, every move Kieran made in the last minutes might as well have been a face plant. Each time he opened his mouth, his foot quickly followed. He should have stayed at his desk and kept some of his dignity, instead of interrupting her work with what, he could only assume, were the dumbest sentences she had ever heard. Somewhere deep down, though, he felt he would rather be making a fool of himself here than anywhere else at that moment. Even if ninety percent of his body wanted him to turn around and run out the door, hoping she would forget he was ever there. She wouldn’t. He’d hear about it forever.
Kieran was concentrating very intently on his shoe when she spoke again. Her words were so firm that he found himself looking up at her briefly, as if startled, before letting his eyes fall back to his shoe. He shrugged. Kieran wasn’t particularly good at social cues in his personal life. In work? He could usually tell if something was off with someone. He could read body language and the little ticks people had during interviews rather well. Even being gone for three years, seven months, and six days (as she had reminded him), it was not a skill one ever really lost. However, in every day conversations? He was shit. Bad at reading between the lines or grasping the gist when someone was being vague. He needed the bluntness Krys offered, although he didn’t quite know what to do with it. Kieran was so used to dealing with pleasantries and vagueness, even if he didn’t get it, that he was unprepared when she pushed him on things other people would have ignored. In the same way, he thought Krys might respond better to honesty herself. “Not really. Just trying to think of something to say.”
Krys asked if he was hoping his delivery hobby would go well and he looked at her hard for a moment, trying to discern whether or not she was messing with him. She did not seem the type to tease playfully, at least not with him. Not today, anyway. “Why not?” His brow furrowed, fingers on the plastic utensils pausing while he spoke. “Don’t you want your plans to go well?” He resumed his fidgeting, hardly noticing the clicking sound the plastic made as he wiggled it around the table. He was so busy mindlessly watching the fork that he did not see her look between him and the utensil before her hand darted out to still it. She wasn’t touching him, but it was the closest she’d ever been. Kieran was not too keen on people in his space but, at that moment, he didn’t mind.
When he finished making his apologies and clearing off the food, Kieran had to stop himself from apologizing again. She confused him and he was getting his metaphorical ass kicked up and down the tech department. Bewitching, though, in the way that he would keep coming back for another round. He brightened up at her interest in his crossword puzzles, although he quickly discovered she was completely out of his league in the puzzle department. Kieran liked the ones in the papers and little books you could buy at the shop, which must have seemed pedestrian to someone well-versed in the art of puzzle solving. There was a beat where he looked at her dumbly for a minute, before realizing she asked him a question. “Y-yeah!” He spluttered out and hurriedly fished around his bag. Kieran produced a spiral bound book his mother had given him, full of American-style grid puzzles from a well-known muggle newspaper, and held it out for Krys to take. "They are kind of simple, but I like them. What kind do you do?"
Kieran looked in the direction Krys nodded and then back to her. “I don’t think I made enough cottage pie for eight hundred and twenty eight million people.” He guessed he cared about people going hungry, but he didn’t think his cottage pie would help. It would serve maybe eight people max. He caught that same scent again as she moved back around the table. What was that and why did it make him feel good? He’d have to do some candle sniffing later. Really do some research. She ignored his question and continued her work, leaving Kieran to stare curiously at the machine. He did not want to leave but he also did not want to overstay his welcome. “I can leave, if you like. I don’t want to interrupt your work more than I already have.”
Was he laughing at her? Instinctively her posture straightened once again on high alert. Though the tension exhausted her body it was actually a nice respite from the never-ending bout of depression and despair in the wake of Allen's disappearance from her life. At least when hyper aware she wasn't hating herself or feeling lost - she was trying to survive.
No he was smiling. Well sort of. If he had been it seemed to fade quickly. When people smiled at you and they were the only ones in the room talking to you was it making fun? Usually you needed more than one person to mock someone because you did it for a reaction. This auror didn't seem to have eyes for anyone other than her. Which meant he wanted to see her... which meant... she didn't know. The last time that had happened it had been thirtyish years with Allen Watts and she didn't want to live through that again - mainly because she didn't think it was possible. It had been a fluke of nature and the galaxies for Allen Watts to like her let alone love her. Those sort of miraculous flukes only happened once... if that!
"You seem to be less skilled at talking to people than I am Kieran Beckett and that is saying something." She stated simply, her brown and blue eyes locked on his and despite the curtness of her voice she found her own features softening as she felt... well... she couldn't be sure. Maybe she didn't want to be. "Quite a great deal actually..." He had a kind face. Allen did too but his was only kind with her and stern or gruff with others. This Kieran always had a kind face. In that way they were different. Different was good. Different meant she could put this guy at a distance. She didn't need any new friends anyways. She was good at her current count (two or three?).
"Oh. I see." His honesty caught her off guard. Usually folks attempted pleasantries and basic conversation with her and, when it got them nowhere, lashed out. He didn't do that. "Perhaps then if words do not come to you, you should not say anything." She explained quietly, still watching him in a sort of face off from the other side of the work table each of their hands on opposite sides of the plastic eating utensil holding it for far too long. "The world would be a better place if people did not fuss so much with filler and only said things that they meant." It was then that she pulled her gaze (and subsequently her hand) away and it was her turn to look down at her boots. In her head, her mind starting to go into a frenzy out of worry, she began to count the pokadots. One... two... three... Her hands began to wring lightly in front of her as she started to get more worked up. "S-s-six... seven... e-e-eight..." Shit. She was stuttering again. It was getting worse. Fucking shit. She felt the familiar tightening, breath feeling heavier to intake yet shorter... No.
For a brief moment her eyes tried to glance up and focus catching his, then quickly diverting to the book he had placed on the table. Then back down to her boots where she went back to counting, eyes scanning back and forth like an old fashioned typewriter. Ding! Reset! Ding! Resent! Ding! Wait - "C-C... Can I do one of those?" Without waiting for a response in her own desperation she reached out sliding the book her way and picking out a pen from her overall pocket. Eyes scanned the page and she quickly began to write. She was practically unhuman. Five down. Six across. Scribble scribble, tap tap tap, scribble scribble. Then she slid it back to him. In a matter of five minutes she had done half of it. Exactly half.
"Y-Y-Your... turn..." She made herself swallow, head lowered eyes filled with shame peering out like a hit puppy.
Post by KIERAN BECKETT on Oct 27, 2023 6:32:02 GMT
Their eyes locked and Kieran’s brow raised slightly at her words. “I’m usually quite good at it, actually.” Despite not being able to pick up all the intricacies of socialization, Kieran found he had a natural charm that some people gravitated towards. Enough to forgive him for his little eccentricities, anyway. He leaned toward her over the table, just a few inches closer, as if he were sharing a secret. “Sometimes I can even get them to laugh.” A small, playful smile tugged at his lips. He did not think he could get Krys to laugh, today at least, but if he kept trying…maybe one day he’d get lucky and she’d smile in his direction.
Kieran looked at her hand on the opposite end of the fork, then back to her. “Hmm,” he let out in response to her statement, letting the words marinate. He had to agree, though he was guilty of filling silences with words himself. Kieran was bad at sitting in silence with someone unless he was at ease with them. When he found someone he could have comfortable silences with? That was the jackpot. He loved when people could just be quiet together, doing their own thing but in the same room. He had dreams of lazy Saturday afternoons where he could cook or work on model ships or anything he enjoyed, while someone pursued their own hobbies near him. What a life that would be. “I think so, too,” he finally said, quietly, bringing his eyes back to the fork just in time to watch her pull her hand away. Kieran felt the slightest pang of loss at its absence.
She mumbled numbers across from him, catching his attention enough to bring him back to the room. He watched her hands wring and Kieran hurried to fetch the book, hoping it would distract her before the situation was entirely out of his control. He placed it on the table and quieted himself, trying his best not to mirror the rising panic that was enveloping the work table. There was a moment where their eyes caught and then it was gone. Before he could worry himself too much with how he could help, as if he even could, she asked about the crossword. He hesitated for a split second, somehow forgetting the word “yes” in that moment, and Krys slid the book to her side of the table.
He watched in utter awe as Krys filled in spaces that would have taken him significantly longer in mere minutes. It was entrancing, watching her eyes scan the page and, almost just as quickly, ink in an answer. She was either very good or very bad at crosswords. When she slid the puzzle back to him, perfectly halved so they could share, he decided she was very good at them. “Wow,” he whispered, pulling it to him with his index finger. Kieran looked at the clues and matched them to the boxes, noting a few he would have had to mull over for at least ten minutes. He looked back up at her, wonder painted on his face in the form of a soft smile. Kieran looked at her like some people looked at the Grand Canyon or the Milky Way. Simply astonishing. “You’re really good at these, huh?” He looked back down at the puzzle and pulled a pen from his pocket. Kieran looked for the easy answers on his half first. He enjoyed crosswords. Never said he was exceptional at them. He filled in what he could and looked back at the whiz across the table. “Could you help me?”
Wringing her hands increasingly more tightly she forced down a swallow making an audible, sickly gulp sound that she couldn't help. She absolutely hated when her body did this. With Allen she had started getting better. Her body didn't betray her so easily and shut down because he was there to hold her and get her out of it. But all of a sudden he was ripped from her life, poof, never to be seen again and she as alone with no escape. The months since had been torture and endless days of these attacks with no reprieve. It would have been exhausting if her brain had been able to clock it, but right now it was working overtime spinning and racing with all sorts of what ifs, or because whats, and oh nos. She couldn't see anything else, couldn't hear anything else, she was caught in the vortex until... his face appeared.
Kieran Beckett, leaning over her worktable, closer (daring to be honest) a tiny smile pulling at his lips. Krys didn't know much about social cues despite being a constant work in progress, but thanks to Allen's patience and literal handholding she was starting to learjn smaller things. If one was being genuine was still a tough thing to grasp but, in this moment, she couldn't help but think that the auror opposite of her meant it... and that he had a sweet smile. One that she could trust. One that wouldn't dare cause harm to her. But she had been through that before, hadn't she? And look how that had turned out.
But there was just something about this man's eyes. Despite having seen quite a bit in the line of duty, even with a recent burnout, they were kind. And even though he didn't have a grasp on the current situation they seemed so sure - but the kind of sure that you knew even though the person had absolutely no idea what to do that they would still look out for you regardless. Maybe that's why Burke found a spot for him on the team post-haste even with him abruptly leaving. Maybe there was something special about this man. Special enough to keep her talking anyways or at least trying to.
"Wow. Said to indicate amazement, astonishment, or admiration. Can be used as a noun or a verb." Her eyes notably moved left toward the ceiling, then right, then left again, then down, clearly having a hard time focusing.Back down to the puzzle on the table before Kieran they went. "It is misused here u-un-un-unfortunately. There is nothing amazing about the human d-d-dictionary and my penmanship is below par." There was something that, had her mind been right in the moment, she would have really enjoyed in a weird way that he was readily dropping everything to help her. But since she was so worked up she didn't even notice it. She just want with the flow because she had no choice but to be along for the ride. Her body was a passenger in the mess and she had to try and survive.
Gaze still shaky she managed to land it on him watching him go to work. It was a miracle she could even focus that long as her hands continued to pull at themselves. When he looked back up at pay her a compliment and their eyes locked she lost her breath. "I am really good at a lot of things." If you were looking for someone humble, it definitely wasn't Krys Robin local genius. To be humble you had to be able to flag emotions and she wasn't so good at that just yet. "H-H-Help you?" She blinked. The words registering (similar in a way to when Allen would distract her with facts) - the similarity in tone had her leaping back into a routine that she had severely needed. "Alright." Quickly she walked around the work bench and stood at his side immediately looking down at the crossword and pointing. P-place for bowlers. Seven letters." She pointed to the seven across. "Bowling is a m-muggle sport." Her stammering was already getting better. When he seemed to stuck she reached across him and slowly penned an H for the first letter. While he worked on that one with her clue she started to fill out another one that she had figured out. Then another, and another, brain beginning to refocus.
"Sometimes I-I-I get... m-my-my body gets nervous. It used to happen a lot... a lot, a lot... you probably h-heard. In the cafeteria... They always talk about it in the cafeteria..." Words that sounded scientifically originally now had a twinge of dread and sadness. "I do not l-like it... But I have always been this way... It is w-weird..." She hated that word. A lot. Too bad people called her it a lot. "I am weird." She said softly, briefly stopping her writing as the phrase made her stomach hurt. Back to writing she went. "A-Allen Watts used to watch Jeopardy with me or do facts... It helped... But he... he's gone now..." Which Kieran already knew. Everyone at the office knew. So why was she telling him?
"Did you know him?" At this she looked up at him, due to the height difference, eyes silently pleading that he did and she didn't even know exactly why.
Post by KIERAN BECKETT on Oct 28, 2023 22:41:16 GMT
His gaze stayed on the puzzle as she spoke. It took him longer to find the corresponding clues and numbers than it had for her to fill some of them in, in pen no less. Amazement, astonishment, and admiration all seemed the exact words he meant to use. Krys’ words sounded more factual and less an attempt at humility, indicating to him that she didn’t find herself particularly incredible at this particular thing. Other things, probably, but not this. But this was what impressed him. He looked up at her and saw that she was moving her eyes everywhere except in his direction. “Well, it’s amazing to me.” Kieran looked over her penmanship. Better than his lazy, uppercase font that was more suited to writing reports than anything else.
Kieran went to work, scribbling in what he could. When he looked up at her, their eyes met. A rare commodity in the last few moments and it gave him pause, before she responded and pulled him back again. “I believe that.” He looked again at the machine between them, still puzzled about what the contraption was, and thought about every gadget the tech department sent them over the years. Kieran was good with muggle machines. His mom’s dishwasher broke? He’d have it fixed in a jiff, without magic. Any pureblood supremacists still in the world would find Kieran’s tendency toward muggle objects abhorrent. After his father died and he went to live with his step-mom’s family, though, that’s what he knew. It was comfortable. The magical aspect of the auror gadgets befuddled him. Anything Krys and her crew made was wonderful to him.
Another smile threatened to split his face when she agreed to help him. Not only did he need the assist, but it seemed like doing the puzzle gave her something to think about that wasn’t panic. If he could help calm her down, he’d drop the rest of his day for it. Surely Burke would forgive him. Probably. Kieran refocused, watching her finger point to a clue. His brow furrowed as she penciled in the first letter. H. Krys was already onto another clue by the time he worked out that the answer was ‘HATTREE’. Their hands started to move in a rhythm, filling in the clues together, with Kieran careful to not bump into Krys’ much quicker hand. This was much better than lunch.
She spoke again and his pen slowed as he noted the tone change in her words. This felt more intimate than their previous conversation, and warranted some reverence. He kept his eyes on the crossword to not stress her by looking her way as she spoke. Maybe that was for both of them. Krys kept writing through her words, only pausing when she got to the word “weird.” He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. “Don’t worry about what they say in the cafeteria.” She was right. They did speak about her in hushed tones, describing the oddity that gave them their tech. Kieran never cared for it. He thought the people giving them the gadgets they relied upon in the field deserved respect. Odd or not. Besides, some weird added flavor. However, it was also where he’d heard that she wasn’t doing well after Watt’s disappearance, so he couldn’t knock it too much. “Everybody has things they’re weird about. You’re not any odder than anybody else, when you get right down to it.” Kieran’s words were soft, but had the confidence of someone who had spoken to many absolute nutjobs throughout his career. Not to mention the ‘journey of self-discovery’ or whatever he’d been on the last three years, where he'd become very acquainted with his particular brand of weirdness. Everybody had their own shit. He’d take Krys’ eccentricities over what he saw at work or on the news any day.
Kieran felt a pang of guilt when she spoke about Allen, remembering the relief he felt knowing that he would be able to talk to her without him hovering. Krys looked up at him, searching for something. He put aside his mixed emotions about the man for a moment. “I did, a long time ago,” Allen had been one of his trainers when Kieran first joined the auror department. A solid lad, despite Kieran’s personal feelings. He didn’t like that Allen was so protective over Krys and then disappeared on her, which he thought was a dick move, but was also none of his business. In all honesty, Kieran was decidedly not the easiest to work with before his burnout, and Allen was probably as patient as anyone would have been with him. He suddenly felt the loss keenly, realizing he’d never see the staple around the office or be able to ask him for advice again. Especially now that Kieran had grown as a person and would have appreciated it more. “He was a good man and helped me a lot. I’m sorry he’s gone.” His face fell. Kieran was speaking about him as if he were dead, but he wasn’t. Not to his knowledge. Just gone. That seemed worse. The loss was something he would have to deal with later, alone, not in front of Krys when she was feeling it more than he could imagine. He cleared his throat. “Is there anything else that helps?” Kieran found that he’d be willing to watch or do whatever if it meant helping. Maybe not Jeopardy, because that seemed sacred, but something.
It was amazing to him? "You do not need to say such things to be kind." Her eyes tried to look lower even though she was already looking at the tile on the floor. "Causing great surprise or wonder... astonishing. I am Krys and I am not that." She recited the definition hurriedly her words almost a murmur to the point that they were barely audible unless you were close to her (which Kieran was).Breathing in this moment once again seemed a bit more difficult and she felt a light burning in her cheeks. Maybe she had eaten something that didn't agree with her and she was having an allergic reaction? This excuse would have made sense if she had eaten today but like with most days since Allen's disappearance she had simply 'forgot'.
Their hands worked at once scribbling as they deciphered the answers to the puzzle at various speeds. Independent and yet working together to complete it. A beautiful symphony - if you were an oddball (and maybe they were - she definitely was!).
Her gaze moved from down at the puzzle to a sneaky glance his way. He was talking to her but not looking her way and that honestly felt a bit less scary. It was because he wasn't looking her way that she could appreciate how he looked when focused. His facial features. The color of his hair, how every strand fell atop his head (no gel), the roundness that was the tip of his nose, thin lips but not unfortunate. She found that she was already particularly fond about how his brow furrowed as he worked. This hit her at once and holding in a gasp she quickly looked back to the crossword and shaky hands managed to start writing again which was good because the respite from his eyes was now gone as he stole a glance at her.
"I am not worried." She responded simply, filling out a six-letter word. "I cannot worry about things that have already happened and will continue to happen. It is fact." Her hands still worked despite recounting more upsetting experiences. "I actually prefer it to the pointing and laughing." But not by much. And the more obvious jeering had ended when Allen socked one of the younger aurors in the nose. Word had gotten around (and one suspension) and later everyone had learned to at least whisper. "People are passionate about music, or muggle cinema, or food... They are not like me. Science, mathematics, physics... That is what I like." And Allen. She had liked Allen an awful lot. Oh, hey, stutter was gone. Now that was interesting. Pausing she blinked, registering this, and frowning some. Curious.
Her brown and blue eyes flitted over to his work and found that he had figured out HATTREE. "That is correct." She couldn't help but confirm the answer in her own odd version of praise using her soft but curt 'business' voice that she often delivered orders and directions to the squints lower than her in the hierarchy (never meaning to be rude or bossy but probably coming across the way anyways).
Her writing long done she stared outward at nothing and yet it was like she was seeing something in very specific detail. Her right hand still lightly clutched the pen, eyes actually watering beyond her control or knowledge. "I miss him..." She admitted in a meek little squeak as her voice gave out from under her admitting it aloud for the very first time to someone other than herself (curled up under her bed was different than saying it so someone else could hear). Right then it felt like Allen's hands were holding her heart and squeezing. It hurt. It hurt so badly.
Coming back to reality she took a slow inhale and turned to look at Kieran. "Thank you for being sorry." The quiet words left her and it wasn't sarcasm (which she was incapable of). She meant it. No one was ever sorry. They just avoided her, or tried to satiate her so she wasn't unmanageable and a liability. She actually stayed looking at him which was a feat in itself, right hand lightly clutching at the table as if it was like holding someone's hand and she needed the connection.
At the auror's question she looked away shyly. "You cannot do what he did." She wasn't trying to hurt feelings and she didn't even think that she might have done just that. "Allen Watts would wrap his arms around me like this." Her arms wrapped around herself in a self given hug. "And I would hold onto him like a phascolarctos cinereus..." Looking back up she realized that probably was too big of a word. And most likely this information wasn't the sort of thing that you should share like Allen warned her before. "Koala." Better? Probably not. "It made me feel... safe... again..." She shouldn't be telling him this. He didn't care. He shouldn't care. She couldn't let herself care. Lowering her arms her frown deepened. "I do not do well with touch... With Allen it was ok for some reason." Because she loved him. Fiercely, madly, and was hopelessly devoted and enamored. Because unlike what the guys in the cafeteria joked... she had a heart and she loved a lot (maybe even too much).
"I am working on it." A small frown of helplessness. "I am a constant work in progress." That was the understatement of the century.
Post by KIERAN BECKETT on Oct 29, 2023 8:27:59 GMT
“I’m not saying it to be kind.” Kieran was not trying to argue, but he was too stubborn to give up the ghost. “This,” he tapped on the crossword, “has caused me great surprise, wonder, and astonishment.” Maybe his standards were low, but whatever. “It would have taken me all night to get this far.” Maybe he was just shit at crosswords. Strong possibility. It was fine. He liked them anyway.
As they worked, Kieran was too engrossed in the puzzle and trying not to look like a complete baboon in front of Krys to notice her studying him. In the privacy of his own home maybe he would have been faster but here, with her near, his brain fizzled. He chalked it up to nerves at having someone doing the crossword with him. Yeah, that was totally it.
“Hmm,” he took in her response. That mindset would have saved him a lot of grief in the past. “That’s a healthy way to look at it, I suppose.” “They still shouldn’t do it,” he thought, making a mental note to stand up for her more in the cafeteria. Something he should have done a while ago. If Allen wasn’t going to be there to do it, someone should. He watched his stilled pen in contrast to hers, still moving while she spoke. Kieran could never focus on writing and talking at the same time but if he told Krys she was amazing again, he might have gotten himself kicked out of the room before the puzzle was finished. “Where would we be without people who are passionate about those things? We wouldn’t know about space, or the speed of light, or modern muggle medicine.” Things that may have seemed blasé to magical folk but in the muggle world? Those things meant something. “You know, muggles have schools for people that want to study those things. I bet they’d love you there.”
A surge of pride filled him as Krys confirmed his answer, twisting his face into a pleased little smile. The look fell when she spoke again, though. Her voice was quiet, even in the silence of their little pocket of the room. Kieran didn’t look at her. It felt like a private moment that he was being honored with, and looking at her might have broken the spell. He didn’t speak for the same reason. Just nodded slowly and kept his eyes on the table. He felt similarly about his father sometimes. Most days he thought of him fondly in passing, remembering only glimpses or stories. Other times, he missed the man like hell. Over twenty years and Kieran still found himself upset about everything they wouldn’t get to share.
She turned to look at him and Kieran rotated to match and noticed that her eyes were wet. “Of course,” he spoke softly, trying to work out his own newfound grief over Allen. What a pickle. Their gaze hung on each other until she looked away and described what Allen would do for her. Kieran watched, brow furrowing slightly at phascolarctos cinereus, but she clarified before he could work it out from context clues. She was right, of course. He couldn’t do what Allen did. Even Kieran could tell that those things made her feel safe because of who it was, not the actions themselves. He wasn’t overly fond of touch himself, but didn’t mind it when it was someone he felt comfortable with. “Because it was Allen.” He nodded in understanding.
“If it’s any consolation, we’re all works in progress.” If Kieran could go from staying up for days on end and tossing desk chairs around when met with a particularly frustrating case he couldn’t solve to someone who could leave work behind and have a nice picnic by a lake for fun, surely there was hope for her.
"Really?" He meant it? He was wowed by her (or at the very least her crossword abilities), truly? Shyly she peaked out at him from behind her thin brown bangs that were threatening to grow right into her line of vision from lack of management (since Allen's disappearance any self-care regimen she had been on was now shot). "You still like them?... Even though you're not the best at them?..." The question actually came out of her hesitantly as if she momentarily flagged that this wasn't a normal thing for normal people to ask. A little nervous again she took her left finger between two on her right pushing and lightly pinching once again as an attempt to release her own body's tension.
It was due to her watching him work, admiring his facial features and presence as he worked that eventually had her body calming until her fingers stopped moving all together. She wasn't sure she had ever seen someone work on something so intently and if she had it certainly hadn't resonated with her like it was with Kieran now. Even though it was just a crossword, blanks on pieces of paper that needed filling, he seemed so focused. So enamored. So.... much like he cared. And that was only paper and pen! During her time at the Ministry she had heard or read her fair share of things - and with her eidetic memory she retained it all. Her mind's file cabinet opened and instantly she could recall Kieran's reports. Well thought out, even more verbose than Allen's. Like the summary of the day's events even mattered immensely to him. Then there were the recordings from the interviews. He always did so well with the victims like Allen had done for her many moons ago when she had been a child. But Kieran seemed gentle, more empathetic, less stoic, outwardly sweet - how had he survived this long?
It was true, he was a bit slower than she was at the puzzle but he did make good timing of it (after all, there was only one Krys). And remarkably she gave him extra time before reaching out to assist him with a word that was taking him a good bit of time: MALAPROPISM. "It is why I do not eat lunch there anymore." She confided in him with half a shrug. "Or that I used to not do that... Now I do not eat lunch at all." Not clocking that it was once again not something she should share as it might worry some she continued on. "I have been told that they would find me odd in the muggle world as well." Looking back to the floor she shifted her feet on the tile.
"Because it was Allen."
The deduction, a fair one, was a gut punch. She very nearly gasped, her mouth going as far as to open before she pulled her bottom lip back in with her teeth and gave a sickly little nod. Her eyes welled up with tears and she felt something in her chest bubble over. "He left me." The fact was choked out of her like a sickly gasp for air which she quickly swallowed back down. Filled with sadness and disbelief those three words were deafening despite not having been yelled. Darting her eyes away, realizing that the other techies were staring she quickly wiped at her face with a sniffle before stepping away from him and to the other side of the workbench pretending to busy herself.
"But it does not matter. People come and go all of the time. It was a foolish hypothesis to think anything else..." With a nod her goggles went back over her eyes magnifying them five sizes while also hiding the tears that had wanted to fall. "Do you miss anyone Kieran Beckett?"
Post by KIERAN BECKETT on Nov 7, 2023 10:11:08 GMT
"Really.” He confirmed, nodding for emphasis. Kieran watched as she hesitated and then spoke, brow raising at her question. “Well, yeah! I’m good at other things. I don’t have to be good at crosswords. They’re just fun.” As long as he didn’t absolutely, positively suck at something, Kieran could find joy in it. He wasn’t the fastest at crosswords, and had to double check some of his answers in the back of the book, but he was alright. Not as good as Krys, obviously, but adept enough to still have a good time.
‘Perfectionist’ wasn’t really the first word that came to mind when people thought of Kieran. His house was untidy more often than not and he typically made it to to the office on time by the skin of his teeth. However, with things like crosswords and work, he was a perfectionist more often than not. Concerned with doing things well, to the point that he was sometimes knocked for being too slow. He wanted his letters to be legible and perfectly within the boxes, and didn’t like having to scratch out where he’d made a mistake. Though he was normally hyper aware of his surroundings, in the privacy of the tech department he let all of his focus turn to the puzzle. So much so that he didn’t notice her eyes on him while he worked. Perfectly oblivious to her unpacking his expression and movements.
He watched as she scribbled in a word he was struggling with, eyebrows raising as he let out a quiet and elongated “ohhh” at the answer. He glanced at her when she admitted to not eating lunch. She told him before when she rejected his offer of soup and cottage pie, but Kieran half thought she was dismissing him at the time. He was not the best at regular eating schedules himself, but thought they were very important for other people. Before he could voice that opinion, she continued and the moment passed. “What’s wrong with being a little odd? I think it’s great.”
Oh shit! Oh fuck! She was crying. He had the wherewithal to realize it had nothing to do with him, but he felt responsible. “I know,” quietly escaped his lips. Kieran was back to hating Allen for the moment. He just left! He disappeared on the people that loved and needed him! Bastard! Kieran couldn’t imagine it. To just run off when you had responsibilities…couldn’t be him. Kieran looked at the floor, fearing if he watched Krys for too long he’d either start crying himself or decide to hunt Allen down and beat him to a pulp. One or the other. Maybe both!
She moved away from him, to the other side of the table, and he almost reached out as if to stop her. Hands wrap around one another in front of him as he turned back to face her, looking at the table as she speaks. “I don’t know,” he started, bringing his gaze up to find that she’d put her goggles back over her eyes. “Kinda makes you appreciate the time you get to spend with them, if you know it doesn’t last forever.” He paused at her question and looked back down at the table. “My dad died when I was little. Miss him all the time.” Kieran looked up at her again and smiled warmly. It didn't suck any less after 20-something years, but he'd learned to appreciate the time he had and not feel so sorry for himself.
"Fun?..." The repeating of the word he had uttered in a question left her almost wistfully as she scribbled, as if the notion was entirely foreign to her. Fun... Fun. What was fun anyways? Fun: enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure... At least that's how Websters Dictionary had put it. It was a word with a definition so that must meant it existed... at least to some people. But in all honesty, Krys couldn't really pick out a time that she had experienced fun. She wasn't a child or a teenage boy, she wasn't a rule breaker, and she loved work (which many would argue was as far away from fun as one could get). But this auror had fun apparently. Kieran had fun. Giving a slight bob of her head to the side she registered that fact and stored it away in her endless mental filing cabinet. For what or why she did not know.
She had been making quick work of her turn with the puzzle too until her eyes refocused on something else. His handwriting. Neat. Very neat. Not rushed. The ink black but not because the pen was pressed too hard. Purposeful. Pen. He used a pen. Not a quill. A pen. She also preferred the muggle writing devices. They had way less flare and were good for one thing - writing. Krys tended to navigate toward items more for their use than any flourish. Was this goofy auror the same way? Why did she even wonder?
Her blue and brown eyes glanced up at him, clearly surprised (and maybe even a little suspicious). "You do?" Was he trying to trick her? He seemed nice enough, but so did a lot of people. She wouldn't fall down that trap again. Never again. "She woke up out of it and shook her head, dismissing the idea both physically and mentally. But she couldn't. And it just confused her more. Who else didn't find her weird? Allen. Allen, Allen, Allen. It was hard not to think about him. Hard not to blame herself. The way she was. He probably hadn't disappeared. He had run away because he couldn't handle her anymore. Because she embarrassed him... Because she was trash.
"Allen's not dead!" She gasped, instantly horrified and defensive for a man who had long abandoned her. She could feel her heart race against her upper ribcage and some breaths became caught in her throat and chest resulting in small whimpers she couldn't control. Wincing she tried to force her body and brain to calm down again. Looking away would help. Directing her glossy, wet gaze down to the tiles she continued to whimper quietly occasionally choking on air and phlegm but swallowing it back down. Not a cute display by any means but one that came with the effort of trying to stay quiet so not to bother anyone (at least she was a little more aware of that nowadays). The mention of his dad settling in brought her out of the pit of despair. Ok, maybe she was still in it but more importantly she wasn't alone.
Krys hadn't been lucky enough to have good parents. She had been unlucky enough to have shit ones but she did understand that she was an outlier, like she often was in life, and that most people adored their parental figures. Sometimes she was incredibly jealous... not today. Seeing Kieran's sad smile, one that was in an attempt to make her feel better, she felt remorseful. "How old were you?" Most would not dare ask out of fear of making things worse, but Krys lacked that awareness. She was still as blunt as ever, even teary eyed and soft voiced. "What was he like?" She went on, wiping the right side of her face quickly with the back of her right hand.
